FEELING BETTER BUT HUSBANDS DEPRESSION IS WRECKING OUR RELATIONSHIP

After being severely injured in a motor vehicle accident one year ago, and basically went through hell with pain, and narcotic pain meds and oxyneo. I am happy to report that I am completely off the narcotic pain meds and I am back to work full time with no more pain. I completed a six week physio and rehab program and am feeling so good, that I have my life back. It has taken me so long to get there, but I am at a place where I want to be.

Now for the kicker...my husband has become so depressed and negative that I am contemplating leaving him. He has become so negative and name calling and he is dragging me in the dumps with him. All he talks about is death and how slowly he is dying and that he hates everything in his life, so that must mean me too. He refuses to go to the doctor and possibly go back on anti depressants, he was taking them about a year ago but stopped when he realized that they were for depression and he is not depressed at all - so he says.

I am thinking that at my next doctor visit I will tell our doctor to talk to him about going back on meds, because in all honestly, I don't know how much longer I can live with him. I have told him that if he hates me so much and our life together that he can leave, and he got all upset when I said this, but all he talks about is how he hates his life. He has a good job, he has health issues but for the most part is feeling good, he has lots of friends, and we have a nice life together or so I thought we did, now I am not sure about anything with him.

I am just getting really tired of all his negativity and talk of death, when I am feeling so good, he is bringing me down on a daily basis. Not sure what has changed but the last month has been the worst to have to live with him. Maybe he is upset that now I am such a more happier person since being back at work full time, and feeling so much better from my motor vehicle accident.

Any advice would be appreciated...seriously I am not sure how much longer I am going to take his mean behavior....and mistreatment of me with his name calling and depressing talk.

Okay, he doesn't want to take

Okay, he doesn't want to take antidepressants.
Has he tried other methods to alleviate his depression, such as exercise, join a gym, or at least walk for a mile or two a day?
It does help. Healthy diet, adequate sleep, etc.
If he could get a referral to a psychiatrist, rather than accepting the opinion of a PCP, would he go for a consult, and at least hear what the psychiatrist has to say?
He can always say "Thanks, but, no thanks" to the recommendations.

Good to see you're doing

Good to see you're doing better.

Yes, many men have a difficult time admitting they are depressed. To them, it's a sign of weakness. Also, taking a pill means he is sick; not taking the pill means he isn't sick - when, in reality it is the exact opposite

If you cannot convince him to go for his sake, ask him to come with you to the doctor for your sake

You can try having your whole family come over at once, expressing their concerns over what is happening at home

If all fails, wait for the first time he talks about suicide. Then get a court order to have the police bring him to the hospital for a psychiatric examination

Hope it works out

It's my guess that much of

It's my guess that much of your husband's depression is as a result of your pain. While women don't like the thought of this, I believe the actual truth is that men are simply programmed differently and, unlike MOST women, they tend to associate love with sex. When this is declined they feel unloved and rejected. If this were the case, all the pills in the world wouldn't help.

While I don't intend to point fingers at you personally because I don't know that this is the case in your situation, I have met many women who claimed their husbands were depressed when it was really the depressed women who were spawning the husband's depression. Depression is very easy to recognize in others but extremely difficult for people to recognize within one's self.

Sometimes marriages are just not fixable anymore. People can go to all the therapists they like, but if the couple has let the candle burn down completely, there is no longer any way to relight it again. Divorce is then the only way to go. Those from the old school tend to think marriages should last forever, but sometimes staying in a marriage that has totally fizzled out can be so horribly painful and unbearable that it can harm both people for years, not just mentally but physically.

While all divorces will cause even greater stress for the first couple of years after a split, I don't think too many divorcees have looked back stating they wished they hadn't done that. If anything, the only thing that most complain about is that they stayed in a dead marriage far too long!

SUICIDE RISK - NEVER

SUICIDE RISK - NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT BETTER BE SAFE THAN SORRY .
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Rtrp9 your other posts were v good you are well-meaning in this one but I totally disagree with it . Their marriage might or might not have problems But this should not the main issue at the moment it can be dealt with later.
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Flashback, if your husbands behaviors have been there for ever I would dismiss them/ focus on my needs. But you are clearly indicating that there has been a recent Change - 2 possibilities for this : marital difficulties or depression and suicide risk. Your husband is clearly in the category of people that should be carefully assess for Suicidal Thoughts : middle-aged male,Change in mental state ( increasingly depressed and irritable - irritability and nastiness Can be signs of depression in men) , getting steadily worse talks a lot about death . Moreover, he has a history of depression and medical issues, stopped his antidepressants a year ago + currently has limited insight. Also , many men and people who are suicidal Do hide their thoughts. Particularly in men, one should infer suicidal thoughts from indirect clues ( ie preoccupation with death, statements like " Life is not worth living" or other signs) .

Flashback , Please follow your gut instinct -which was v good. TWAIN also appeared to be clearly concerned and gave good suggestions .
I would strongly suggest that you arrange a 1:1 appointment asap with your family practitioner or district nurse : tell them exactly what you told us and ask them for advice .
I don't mean to alarm you unnecessarily ; things might be ok but better be paranoid than sorry .

Also Please don't follow Our advice(incl mine) in such serious matters( mental health) we (incl myself )are well meaning but we are not experts + online communication is inherently flawed.
DO get face to face advice from a nurse, a doctor, a psychologist or a therapist within a formal setting. If you can't afford the fee pls call and tell them that your main concern at the moment is his safety abd well-being and I am sure that they will direct you towards appropriate avenues.

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In saying all these, you also deserve to be treated with respect there is no excuse for bad behaviour or name-calling . Make sure that you look after yourself (for ex, some of Rtrp9's suggestions might be pertinent -you would be able to tell - )once this psych emergency is taken care of ie you ensure that your husband gets treated if he is depressed or suicidal.
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PS - this is a one-off comment on my part I only created this account to express my worries will not be using it after this

Flashback - my gut instinct

Flashback - my gut instinct when I read your initial post was that your husband is probably hurting very much. I hope he gets the help he needs.

Was your husband there for

Was your husband there for you when you were going through hell with your pain problems the past year?

If so (and regardless) I think you should hang in there for him and help him to get through his issues. Talking to your doctor is a great idea and as soon as possible.

No spouse should put up with name-calling. That’s a deal breaker as far as I’m concerned, but if it’s atypical of his behavior then I would try to be patient with him.

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