laughter is the best medicine

Sometimes, you really have to laugh at LIFE. Sometimes, it's all I can do.
Flight of the Conchords:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0

I LOVE THESE GUYS!!!

Boom King:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT5AQIlmM0I

Laughter is essential

Laughter is essential medicine sometimes. Eye-wink Smiling

I just have to post this. I

I just have to post this. I hope that I'm not offending anyone.

TO: Medical Personnel
FROM: Human Resources

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following:

Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".

And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.

Sincerely,
Directory of Human Resources

You know who ... Evil

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

I love this!

Add GOMER - Get Outa My ER.

Add GOMER - Get Outa My ER.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

I just have to post this. I hope that I'm not offending anyone.

TO: Medical Personnel
FROM: Human Resources

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following:

Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."

HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."

Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."

Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."

The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".

And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.

Sincerely,
Directory of Human Resources

You know who ... Evil

"Charlie", my dad, should have quit smoking - it wasn't actually a stroke - he was lucky - it was just a few heart attacks and intermittent claudication, and uh, I don't know what else. He died too young. Sad

D. - if you eat lots of ice

D. - if you eat lots of ice - cream (preferably with nuts), you won't have this problem. Eye-wink

Wasn't sure where to put

Wasn't sure where to put this!! "Starting a family." "Are children able, when." Decided on laughter.......lol When my son was 6 years old, the Judge told him that he was the youngest person he (Judge) had ever had in his traffic court. Ha

***********************************************

Boy, 6, Misses Bus, Takes Mom's Car Instead
10-Mile Trip to Va. School Ends With Crash but Without Injury

The word "miracle" can be overused. But when a 6-year-old boy drives a Ford Taurus for more than 10 miles, weaving in and out of oncoming traffic, slams into a utility pole and no one gets hurt, well, maybe miracle is appropriate.

That's what happened on Virginia's Northern Neck on Monday morning, when the first-grader missed his school bus and decided to drive his mom's car to elementary school so he wouldn't miss breakfast and PE, authorities said yesterday.

"It's a miracle that somebody didn't get killed," said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins of the boy's drive along Northumberland Highway. "We're a rural area, but if we do have a rush hour, that's it."

The boy's parents were arrested and charged with felony child endangerment. Wilkins said the father, David E. Dodson, 40, was under a court order not to leave the 6-year-old and his 4-year-old brother alone with their mother, Jacqulyn D. Waltman, 26, at their home in the town of Wicomico Church. But Dodson left for work at 6:30 a.m., and Waltman was still asleep when the 6-year-old missed the bus and then drove off at 7:40 a.m. for Northumberland Elementary School, Wilkins said.

ad_icon

Sgt. Thomas A. Cunningham Jr. of the Virginia State Police said the boy is not particularly tall for his age and was "possibly standing" while driving the Taurus. Wilkins said the child had an idea about how to start, propel and steer the car from playing video games.

Once he got going, the boy navigated his way along Route 200 (Dupont Highway), across a bridge spanning the Great Wicomico River and then turned west on Northumberland Highway, which is about 140 miles from Washington. He made it through two intersections, Wilkins said, and then was "doing a pretty great rate of speed" as he passed cars on the two-lane road while not wearing a seat belt.

Other drivers noticed. Two people called the sheriff's office, one called the state police and at least one motorist "shouted at him to get off the road when he came to an intersection," Cunningham said.

The boy had gone 10.4 miles, the sheriff said, and was about a mile and a half from his school in Heathsville when he decided to cross the double line and pass again. But this time, he saw a tractor-trailer coming toward him in the other lane.

He quickly whipped the car back into his lane, but, unlike in video games, the car swerved out of control, skidded into an embankment and then struck a utility pole on the rear passenger side. Wilkins said the force of the impact cracked a wooden beam on top of the utility pole. The Taurus was severely damaged, if not totaled, Cunningham said.

Northumberland deputies Jeff VanLandingham and Roger Briney arrived first. "He was crying, hysterical," Briney said, "not from any pain -- he was just adrenalined up on fright." Briney said another motorist said she was driving 60 mph when the boy zoomed past her.

Briney said he unzipped the boy's coat to check for injuries, found none and zipped it back up -- and the boy turned and walked away. "I said, 'Where are you going?' " Briney said. "He said: 'My school's right over there. I'm late.' I said, 'We'll get you to school.' "

"He was just bound and determined," Wilkins said, "he did not want to miss breakfast and PE." The meal "may have been his primary goal," the sheriff said. The sheriff said the boy told him that he had trained on video games such as Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam.

The boy was taken to Rappahannock General Hospital, was released and was back in school for PE that afternoon. He was not identified because he is, well, 6. The boy and his brother were placed in foster care; his mother was in jail, officials said.

"We were just very blessed that it ended the way it did," said Theresa Larsen, assistant principal at the boy's school. Larsen said the school's principal, Arnette Butler, asked the boy, "What were you thinking?" He looked up and told her, "I just had to get to school."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/06/AR2009010601195.html?hpid=topnews

Okay, one more. I thought

Okay, one more. I thought about posting this one ...

The Gynecologist

(Yep, he's posting a joke on that type of specialist, but not the specialty)
(Again, I hope no one gets offended ...)

After 23 years of practice, a gynecologist decided that he didn't want anything more to do with his profession, given the stress and financial problems, etc. So he quit and decided to take a course in car mechanics.

It had always been his dream to tinker with cars. What better thing than to make a hobby out of it? So he enrolled in the local high school that offered a mechanic's course and began his study. At the end of the course he had to write the exam. He was a little apprehensive wondering if he was too old to grasp the mechanical concept.

He wrote the test and a few days later the instructor returned the tests, marked. When he received his paper he noticed that he had received a mark of 150%.

He went to the instructor and asked, "Why did you give me 150%?"

The instructor replied, "You have the highest mark ever. First I gave you 50% for disassembling the engine correctly. Second, I gave you 50% for reassembling the engine correctly. Finally, I gave you another 50% for doing it all through the muffler.

"I'll buy anything if it's

"I'll buy anything if it's shiny and made by Apple" Laughing out loud

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

Daenerys wrote: "I'll buy

Daenerys wrote:

"I'll buy anything if it's shiny and made by Apple" Laughing out loud

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

Oh phooey!! It can only have in storage, phrases that you have used before, and how many times do you say the same thing over and over again. Then you have to scroll down to look up a phrase? I must be missing something. Check this out.

Amazing technology from Japan . .. .
.

.
Look closely and guess what they could be...
.

.
Are they pens with cameras?
.

.
Any wild guesses? No clue yet?

Ladies and gentlemen... congratulations!
You've just looked into the future...
yep that's right!

You've just seen something that will
replace your PC in the near future.

Here is how it works:
.

.
In the revolution of miniature computers,
Scientists have made great developments
with bluetooth technology...

This are the forthcoming computers you
can carry within your pockets.
.

.
This 'pen sort of instrument' produces
Both the monitor as well as the keyboard
On any flat surfaces from where you can
carry out functions you would normally do
on your desktop computer.
.

.

.
Can anyone say, 'Good-bye laptops!'
Looks like our computers are out of date...again!!!

heartthrob

heartthrob wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

"I'll buy anything if it's shiny and made by Apple" Laughing out loud

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary

Oh phooey!! It can only have in storage, phrases that you have used before, and how many times do you say the same thing over and over again. Then you have to scroll down to look up a phrase? I must be missing something. Check this out.

Amazing technology from Japan . .. .
.
Look closely and guess what they could be...
.
Are they pens with cameras?
.
Can anyone say, 'Good-bye laptops!'
Looks like our computers are out of date...again!!!

[snip]

I can now see a new, improved, industrial-strength version of the pocket-protector coming out soon ...

I think this is similar (maybe the same device) that I saw a night or so ago on television, configured as a scanner, connecting via bluetooth to a projector.

This is quite revolutionary, at least until next year ... and someday, we'll look back and muse, "Remember the days when we had to cart around a handheld phone and computer pen?". Laughing out loud Gone will be the days when we need a flat surface to write on. "Mind if I use your back to write something on my note pad?" will be replaced with "Mind in I use your back to type something?".

Needing nothing more than a mobile phone / PDA and this pen device, with the usual peripherals. We could get out desktop space back!

Ah heck, it probably won't be long before we see people talking to their pens! I'm still not used to seeing people talking to themselves while stopped at intersections. Smiling

Involuntary Muscular

Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A professor at the Memorial University of Newfoundland was giving a
lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year
medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject,
the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know
what your ass hole
is doing while you're having an orgasm?' She replied, 'Probably moose
hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

Microsoft says Windows 7 is

Microsoft says Windows 7 is nearly ready to go
Updated Thu. Jan. 8 2009 8:17 AM ET

Excerpt: "The new operating system -- which could be available for purchase on PCs within a year -- uses much of the same underlying technology as its predecessor, the much-maligned Vista. But Windows 7 aims to resolve many problems PC users had with Vista. For instance, Microsoft pledges to make it easier to install peripheral devices and to have the software pump out fewer annoying warnings and notifications."

Oh, good. "Son of Vista" is due to be thrust upon us released in the coming year. I've seen my friends develop borderline psychosis following their "Vista experience". Smiling Barf! My assistance to them? Just a little home-brewed psychotherapy. Evil Evil

1. Install Vista on that old Pentium taking up space in the basement.
2. Re-install XP on your working machine.
3. Purchase a revolver and load five of the six chambers with five cartridges.
4. Aim the revolver at that old Pentium and proceed to play Russian Roulette.
. Do not refer to the games official rules - they are dangerously
. erroneous in this application. Note that the only advantage to following the
. official rules pertains to those seeking to become a nominee in next year's
. Darwin Awards.

I must tell you that we should all be thrilled at Microsoft's pledge to ... have the software pump out fewer annoying warnings and notifications. Yes, I always found those "You are about to Format Drive C:" and "Formatting Drive C:" warnings so annoying and unnecessary! Barf!

I am eagerly anticipating the release of Windows 7, with a likelihood of it following an upgrade in my revolver to a Magnum. Smiling Laughing out loud Evil

Mic

wishandaprayer wrote: D. -

wishandaprayer wrote:

D. - if you eat lots of ice - cream (preferably with nuts), you won't have this problem. Eye-wink

Shocked What problem??

Thoughts on Marriage. You

Thoughts on Marriage. Laughing out loud

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

__________
At a ****tail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.'
_
_________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'

__________
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .

__________
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'

__________
A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
_
_________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late.'

__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

__________
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

__________
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

D. - if you eat lots of ice - cream (preferably with nuts), you won't have this problem. Eye-wink

Shocked What problem??

I forget. Laughing out loud

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

D. - if you eat lots of ice - cream (preferably with nuts), you won't have this problem. Eye-wink

Shocked What problem??

I forget. Laughing out loud

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:

Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A professor at the Memorial University of Newfoundland was giving a
lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year
medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject,
the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know
what your ass hole
is doing while you're having an orgasm?' She replied, 'Probably moose
hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

LMAO

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

I'm still not used to seeing people talking to themselves while stopped at intersections. Smiling

That's because you don't spend enough time in NYC.

The Man Rules At last a guy

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER ONE.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A COLOUR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or GOLF .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - give them a bigger laugh.

rockygirl

rockygirl wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

I'm still not used to seeing people talking to themselves while stopped at intersections. Smiling

That's because you don't spend enough time in NYC.

It still looks insane! We see people walking down the street talking to themselves - some have mental health issues, and others mobile phones!

I have this little electronic device ... a few transistors, a 9V battery, and a five foot thin-wire antenna, and it all fits into a matchbox. It transmits at a frequency which will cause stereos, iPods, and bluetooth headsets at close proximity to squeal, not enough to hurt anyone, just enough to really wake someone up. Evil The wire antenna can be strung up my pant leg with the device simply tucked into a sock covered by my pant leg. Taking a stroll through the downtown with this thing transmitting is really quite the laugh!

As pedestrians pass me, an increasing number of them suddenly yank their wireless headsets from their ear. Passing a few on a corner having a street conference can be hilarious. Looks like something out of science fiction flick.

Mic
Evil Evil

Absolutely Brilliant

Absolutely Brilliant Household Tip!!!

Forget the cleaning..........

THIS SURE SOLD ME!
I AM GOING
TO THE DOLLAR STORE TODAY
& GET A DOZEN!

Good Housekeeping Tip
Another Maxine Tip ...

Always keep several
get well cards on the mantle ...
So if unexpected guests arrive,
They will think you've been sick
and unable to clean!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I don't know the

Well, I don't know the statistics, however, my husband just informed me that studies show that losing weight can increase sexual function -

especially if it's the woman that is losing weight.

I'm thinking I need to lose about 195 pounds.

Actually, it's 203.8 at night - time fully clothed. Laughing out loud

Been awhile since I embedded

Been awhile since I embedded a video. Let's see if this works!

Health tip

(No subject)

Laughing out loud

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
rockygirl wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

I'm still not used to seeing people talking to themselves while stopped at intersections. Smiling

That's because you don't spend enough time in NYC.

It still looks insane! We see people walking down the street talking to themselves - some have mental health issues, and others mobile phones!

I have this little electronic device ... a few transistors, a 9V battery, and a five foot thin-wire antenna, and it all fits into a matchbox. It transmits at a frequency which will cause stereos, iPods, and bluetooth headsets at close proximity to squeal, not enough to hurt anyone, just enough to really wake someone up. Evil The wire antenna can be strung up my pant leg with the device simply tucked into a sock covered by my pant leg. Taking a stroll through the downtown with this thing transmitting is really quite the laugh!

As pedestrians pass me, an increasing number of them suddenly yank their wireless headsets from their ear. Passing a few on a corner having a street conference can be hilarious. Looks like something out of science fiction flick.

Mic
Evil Evil

That's pretty funny. Neurotransmitter?

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the OTHER ONE.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like WINDOWS default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A COLOUR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or GOLF .

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - give them a bigger laugh.

And the final piece falls into place for those of us who wonder why Mic has girlfriend problems.

rockygirl

rockygirl wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

The Man Rules

And the final piece falls into place for those of us who wonder why Mic has girlfriend problems.

Things weren't that bad; in fact things generally would go well, at least until a little firearms training ... Laughing out loud

I must make a note to myself on "new" activities to not introduce into the lives of others ...

Elvis - Enjoyed your country

Elvis - Enjoyed your country music song! Laughing out loud

Heineken - Walk in

Heineken - Walk in Fridge

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIutgtzwhAc

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE (1)

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8 ) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

LOL - Now I KNOW for certain

LOL - Now I KNOW for certain that you are with the CMPA and you've been listening to our conversations. Laughing out loud Evil Laughing out loud
Time to go serve the burnt chicken...
You missed that non-verbal communication. Sticking out tongue

OMG I LOVE THIS!! Three

I don't think it's fair to

I don't think it's fair to say the word "walk" and not mean it.
Humping the cat face? What a dirty dog! LOL

wishandaprayer wrote: I

wishandaprayer wrote:

I don't think it's fair to say the word "walk" and not mean it.
Humping the cat face? What a dirty dog! LOL

Ok....I was hoping nobody would notice that. LOL

Just wanted to say the Gran

Just wanted to say the Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood is a really great movie. I was laughing throughout...Clint makes a perfect crotchety racist old man...perfect.

I wanted to see that D.

I wanted to see that D. Thanks.

An elderly man walks into a

An elderly man walks into a confessional.
The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
Many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday,
I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking ...
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins? '

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody

Dear Dad A father passing by

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.

It was addressed, "Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with all her piecing tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes. But it’s not only the passion dad, she’s pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy. Even though you don’t care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams, too. Joan taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at the neighbor’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer . I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

a couple went to a fancy

a couple went to a fancy resturant one night for dinner. it had a piano player come in and start to play. he was dressed in real shabby clothes. the mans wife looked at him and then said to her husband did you know the piano players testicals are hanging out. the husband said maybe you should go tell him. so the wife went over to the piano player and asked him do you know your testicals are hanging out. the piano player said if you can hum it I can play it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA...I LOVE this

HAHAHAHAHAHA...I LOVE this ape!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk4ZqskRBPw

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
HAHAHAHAHAHA...I LOVE this ape!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk4ZqskRBPw
Ha Ha Ha Ha.............Who's the King of the jungle???

Monkey death wish - now

Monkey death wish - now that's a good title for that. LOL

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:

HAHAHAHAHAHA...I LOVE this ape!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk4ZqskRBPw

I know people like that.
Living on the edge.

Twain wrote: Daenerys

Twain][quote=Daenerys wrote:

HAHAHAHAHAHA...I LOVE this ape!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk4ZqskRBPw

I know people like that. His name is Elvis.
Living on the edge.

Butler, to the new

Butler, to the new chauffeur: "Yes, these Jewish people have very quaint customs. For instance, on Rosh Hashanah they blow the shofar." "What a wonderful way to treat the help!"

FLYdini - Steve

lol thanks 4 sharing

lol thanks 4 sharing

ElvisPresley wrote: Been

ElvisPresley wrote:

Been awhile since I embedded a video. Let's see if this works!

Health tip

Hey you ageing fat porn star, imagine finding you on here...

Times must be hard, honey - come back, I need you.

I need your face for my book (Jenna's Diary)

Drop me a line some time, it's in the rolodex.

P.S. Mommy never taught you that spanking monkeys leads to blindness, rotting teeth and hairy palms ?

Top 10 Country & Western -

Top 10 Country & Western - 2008

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman, But I Woke Up With a Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improving
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Looking' Better with Every Beer

# Number One Country & Western song . . .

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long.

JennaJamieson

JennaJamieson wrote:

Health tip

Sad

A woman was at her

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a
dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.
So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant."

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Where'd you get the ****ty Hairdo?"

http://www.snotr.com/video/12

Dan was a single guy living

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Just before the funeral

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
' For fast relief.'

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing!!

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

...... Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Oh, so very true. Your story reminds me of a former client, whose story I can relate (without revealing any unique identifiers).

The scenario took place at a time before financial institutions were open from sunrise to sunset, seven days a week, and the public was becoming comfortable with point-of-sale transaction processing and ATMs, but before the advent of cheque-cashing operations on every corner.

The client found herself without cash in hand heading into the weekend and the seeming inability to secure any cash to see her through it.

She had:

1. No cash in hand, as mentioned.
2. Plenty of funds in her account.
3. A debit card with a demagnitized magnetic strip, thus useless.
4. A wallet full of credit cards, all maxed out, due to be settled
via end-of-month automatic bank transfer.
5. A couple of department store charge cards.
6. All friends upon whom she could prevail for a personal loan
out of town in anticipation of the weekend.
7. No family whom she could approach for a loan.
8. No ability to avail herself of funds from a cheque-cashing
lender.

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

...... Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Oh, so very true. Your story reminds me of a former client, whose story I can relate (without revealing any unique identifiers).

The scenario took place at a time before financial institutions were open from sunrise to sunset, seven days a week, and the public was becoming comfortable with point-of-sale transaction processing and ATMs, but before the advent of cheque-cashing operations on every corner.

The client found herself without cash in hand heading into the weekend and the seeming inability to secure any cash to see her through it.

She had:

1. No cash in hand, as mentioned.
2. Plenty of funds in her account.
3. A debit card with a demagnitized magnetic strip, thus useless.
4. A wallet full of credit cards, all maxed out, due to be settled
via end-of-month automatic bank transfer.
5. A couple of department store charge cards.
6. All friends upon whom she could prevail for a personal loan
out of town in anticipation of the weekend.
7. No family whom she could approach for a loan.
8. No ability to avail herself of funds from a cheque-cashing
lender.

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

Sounds good to me. I've been burning a hole in my brain!

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

Sounds good to me. I've been burning a hole in my brain!

Ow . . . that must hurt. Shocked Eye-wink Laughing out loud

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

hmmmm So...she got onboard by pretense? Say, pretending to be an investor and looking at the property? Or an inspector? Or is that just too tv'ish?
Ok...scratch that. It would be very easy to go to any old Joe with a credit card, show him her bank statement with funds, and give him an IOU if he took her on the cruise.

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

I know how. She was in possession of a really fancy car . . . say a Porsche or Jaguar . . . and she sold the car to someone she knew for let's say $5,000.00 on condition that she could buy it back on the following Monday for $4,900.00. Some lucky fellow had a nice wheels for the weekend, plus he was making $l00.00.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

So she returned the clothing, and got the cash - easy!

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

So she returned the clothing, and got the cash - easy!

But then she wouldn't have clothes for the cruise!!

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

I know how. She was in possession of a really fancy car . . . say a Porsche or Jaguar . . . and she sold the car to someone she knew for let's say $5,000.00 on condition that she could buy it back on the following Monday for $4,900.00. Some lucky fellow had a nice wheels for the weekend, plus he was making $l00.00.

Nope. She sold nothing, not even with a buy-back option. Look at Wisher's last post.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

I bet you win . . . you sneaky girl! Smiling Laughing out loud

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

Well, that would be a great idea, but her cards were maxed out...

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

Well, that would be a great idea, but her cards were maxed out...

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

Well, that would be a great idea, but her cards were maxed out...

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Mic disappeared without telling us!!! argh! I bet that's it. But what if the department stores didn't have any nice clothes?

wishandaprayer wrote: She

wishandaprayer wrote:

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

Nope. She didn't sell anything, in the widest possible sense of the word.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Given that she had no ready access to funds (and did not sell nor pawn anything), and could not secure a weekend loan from friends or family, how did she finance her weekend cruise?

I predict the first to figure this one out is a woman.

Mic

She wrote cheques, anticipating that they wouldn't be cashed/withdrawn from her account before the end of the weekend. This gave her the funds she needed with the knowledge that she had a few days before her cheques made it to her bank and was processed.

No cigar. Had she been able to write a cheque for anything, she'd have been fine, given that she did have plenty of funds in her account. Her solution was actually quite creative. Evil

Well, she had the department store credit cards...could she have used those somehow???
Sears has a travel agency...and so she could put the trip on that maybe.

Still no cigar, but you do get a cigarello! (She had paid for the cruise weeks prior, but she still needed cash - she spent $1,000 to $1,500 per week on clothing, alone.)

Well, couldn't she just charge everything to her cabin then and pay it all at the end of the cruise somehow?

She returned the clothes, got cash, then charged them again on her credit card. Eye-wink

Well, that would be a great idea, but her cards were maxed out...

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Mic disappeared without telling us!!! argh! I bet that's it. But what if the department stores didn't have any nice clothes?

Tuff bananas.

wishandaprayer wrote: Not

wishandaprayer wrote:

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Keep that cigarello, but don't light it up!

Daenerys wrote: Mic

Daenerys wrote:

Mic disappeared without telling us!!! argh! I bet that's it. But what if the department stores didn't have any nice clothes?

I'll make this easy ... no clothing was involved.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Keep that cigarello, but don't light it up!

Ok...so, she bought some items on her department store cards, and then returned them for cash. GEEEEESH
Should have thought of that from the beginning!!!

wishandaprayer wrote: Tuff

wishandaprayer wrote:

Tuff bananas.

None of those, either! Laughing out loud

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Keep that cigarello, but don't light it up!

Ok...so, she bought some items on her department store cards, and then returned them for cash. GEEEEESH

Nope, no returns. That would be akin to a sale.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

Not her department store credit cards! Laughing out loud Evil Sticking out tongue

Keep that cigarello, but don't light it up!

Ok...so, she bought some items on her department store cards, and then returned them for cash. GEEEEESH

Nope, no returns. That would be akin to a sale.


I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

I know. She saw Mic paying

I know. She saw Mic paying cash for his items, and said - "Do you want to save 10%?"
Win win situation.
She put it on her credit card, and Mic got 10% off...
Mic likes bargains! Laughing out loud

wishandaprayer wrote: I

wishandaprayer wrote:

I know. She saw Mic paying cash for his items, and said - "Do you want to save 10%?"
Win win situation.
She put it on her credit card, and Mic got 10% off...
Mic likes bargains! Laughing out loud

Wisher, you are VERY good!
Wait!! I know...she told Mic she would take him on the cruise for half price. She puts it on the department store card, and Mic gives her the cash. (That is...if the department stores paid for travel back then.)

Could she have transferred

Could she have transferred money from her checking account to her charge card...maybe

Saphire wrote: Could she

Saphire wrote:

Could she have transferred money from her checking account to her charge card...maybe

But how would she transfer it? Nothing open...no magnetic strip

Daenerys wrote: I'm

Daenerys wrote:

I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

This was a client. However, years after I left my practice, a common friend who was a former law enforcement officer told me, and I quote, "In two law enforecement careers spanning fourty-three years, I have never meant anyone so cunning.".

wishandaprayer wrote: I

wishandaprayer wrote:

I know. She saw Mic paying cash for his items, and said - "Do you want to save 10%?"
Win win situation.
She put it on her credit card, and Mic got 10% off...
Mic likes bargains! Laughing out loud

That's something she might do, but we didn't socialize. She was a client.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

I know. She saw Mic paying cash for his items, and said - "Do you want to save 10%?"
Win win situation.
She put it on her credit card, and Mic got 10% off...
Mic likes bargains! Laughing out loud

Wisher, you are VERY good!
Wait!! I know...she told Mic she would take him on the cruise for half price. She puts it on the department store card, and Mic gives her the cash. (That is...if the department stores paid for travel back then.)

The department stores were associated with travel, then.

A cigarello for you, too!

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

This was a client. However, years after I left my practice, a common friend who was a former law enforcement officer told me, and I quote, "In two law enforecement careers spanning fourty-three years, I have never meant anyone so cunning.".

So - what the heck did she do??
How did she get cash?
I thought the 10% off was quite a good idea myself.
Did you hold out for 20?? Laughing out loud

Daenerys wrote: Saphire

Daenerys wrote:
Saphire wrote:

Could she have transferred money from her checking account to her charge card...maybe

But how would she transfer it? Nothing open...no magnetic strip

No access to her bank accounts and funds, whatsoever.

Okay, she waited until

Okay, she waited until someone at the department store was ready to buy a big purchase item (or trip) with cash.

She approached them, gave them a sob story and asked if she could charge the item on her account and they give the cash to her instead.

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

This was a client. However, years after I left my practice, a common friend who was a former law enforcement officer told me, and I quote, "In two law enforecement careers spanning fourty-three years, I have never meant anyone so cunning.".

So - what the heck did she do??
How did she get cash?
I thought the 10% off was quite a good idea myself.
Did you hold out for 20?? Laughing out loud

Well, wait a second Wisher...why do it that way at all? Why not just buy the items outright and have Mic or whomever give her the cash for them?

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

This was a client. However, years after I left my practice, a common friend who was a former law enforcement officer told me, and I quote, "In two law enforecement careers spanning fourty-three years, I have never meant anyone so cunning.".

Ummm so was the common friend talking about you or her? Laughing out loud

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

Okay, she waited until someone at the department store was ready to buy a big purchase item (or trip) with cash.

She approached them, gave them a sob story and asked if she could charge the item on her account and they give the cash to her instead.

Nope.

Daenerys wrote:

Well, wait a second Wisher...why do it that way at all? Why not just buy the items outright and have Mic or whomever give her the cash for them?

You are all getting close ... it's like water circling a drain, but going nowhere.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

I'm beginning to understand your ex's side of things...

This was a client. However, years after I left my practice, a common friend who was a former law enforcement officer told me, and I quote, "In two law enforecement careers spanning fourty-three years, I have never meant anyone so cunning.".

Ummm so was the common friend talking about you or her? Laughing out loud

Right about now, I beginning to believe Mic's friend was talking about him! Eye-wink Evil

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

Okay, she waited until someone at the department store was ready to buy a big purchase item (or trip) with cash.

She approached them, gave them a sob story and asked if she could charge the item on her account and they give the cash to her instead.

Nope.

Daenerys wrote:

Well, wait a second Wisher...why do it that way at all? Why not just buy the items outright and have Mic or whomever give her the cash for them?

You are all getting close ... it's like water circling a drain, but going nowhere.

C'MON!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT

C'MON!!! Puzzled
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! Sticking out tongue Sticking out tongue

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:

C'MON!!! Puzzled
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! Sticking out tongue Sticking out tongue

Ok..I simply can't either. I've given myself a headache.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

C'MON!!! Puzzled
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! Sticking out tongue Sticking out tongue

Ok..I simply can't either. I've given myself a headache.

I give up, too. Sad
This woman has us beat to all hell. Evil Laughing out loud

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:

C'MON!!! Puzzled
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! Sticking out tongue Sticking out tongue

She called me on a Friday, asking for some way to see liquidity (cash) from her holdings, wanting to know if I could arrange a private sale of bearer stock in a publicly-traded company. That's illegal, and I told her that I couldn't help her in that regard. That's when she laid out her conundrum. I received a call from her later in the evening, wherein she told me, quite proudly, how she'd solved her dilemma.

One of her department store charge cards (remember Eaton's?) had only a small balance on it, affording her a few thousand dollars in store credit. All Eaton's stores had Thomas Cooke Travel Agencies, and as with many such associations, Eaton's customers could use their store credit cards to charge travel, accommodation, etc.

She went to one with the intention of charging a trip or holiday package, redeeming it at another location within the hour, but for cash. She was halfway through "testing" this approach when the travel agent responded to her question regarding cash refunds in case of cancellation by telling her that no, she couldn't get cash on a refund, but she'd get a refund credit posted to her charge card.

Now committed and not wanting to appear foolish by suddenly canceling the arrangements and walking out, she continued, negotiating the arrangements down to just the airline costs (return trip to Las Vegas ... $299 with a credit limit of several thousand).

Nearing the end of the paperwork, the agent asked her, "And would you be requiring any Thomas Cooke Travellers' Cheques?".

Lightbulb = ON Evil

She walked out the door with $2,500 in travellers cheques, virtual cash.

I never would have believed a department store charge (not credit) card could be used like a Visa credit card, obtaining what virtually amounted to a cash advance.

Mic

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

C'MON!!! Puzzled
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!! Sticking out tongue Sticking out tongue

She called me on a Friday, asking for some way to see liquidity (cash) from her holdings, wanting to know if I could arrange a private sale of bearer stock in a publicly-traded company. That's illegal, and I told her that I couldn't help her in that regard. That's when she laid out her conundrum. I received a call from her later in the evening, wherein she told me, quite proudly, how she'd solved her dilemma.

One of her department store charge cards (remember Eaton's?) had only a small balance on it, affording her a few thousand dollars in store credit. All Eaton's stores had Thomas Cooke Travel Agencies, and as with many such associations, Eaton's customers could use their store credit cards to charge travel, accommodation, etc.

She went to one with the intention of charging a trip or holiday package, redeeming it at another location within the hour, but for cash. She was halfway through "testing" this approach when the travel agent responded to her question regarding cash refunds in case of cancellation by telling her that no, she couldn't get cash on a refund, but she'd get a refund credit posted to her charge card.

Now committed and not wanting to appear foolish by suddenly canceling the arrangements and walking out, she continued, negotiating the arrangements down to just the airline costs (return trip to Las Vegas ... $299 with a credit limit of several thousand).

Nearing the end of the paperwork, the agent asked her, "And would you be requiring any Thomas Cooke Travellers' Cheques?".

Lightbulb = ON Evil

She walked out the door with $2,500 in travellers cheques, virtual cash.

I never would have believed a department store charge (not credit) card could be used like a Visa credit card, obtaining what virtually amounted to a cash advance.

Mic

Good grief...That's *sigh*...so obvious! Evil
Thanks for the headache. I'm going to bed.

Mic - You just weren't

Mic - You just weren't thinking...you could have saved up to 20%. Eye-wink
I thought you were supposed to be good with money. Laughing out loud

What is more obvious D is

What is more obvious D is robbing 711 Puzzled Evil

wishandaprayer wrote: Mic

wishandaprayer wrote:

Mic - You just weren't thinking...you could have saved up to 20%. Eye-wink
I thought you were supposed to be good with money. Laughing out loud

I would have never associated a department store card with cashable cheques. I'd not known of anyone doing this before, nor since then. This was one crafty gal.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

Mic - You just weren't thinking...you could have saved up to 20%. Eye-wink
I thought you were supposed to be good with money. Laughing out loud

I would have never associated a department store card with cashable cheques. I'd not known of anyone doing this before, nor since then. This was one crafty gal.

That she was! Laughing out loud

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

Mic - You just weren't thinking...you could have saved up to 20%. Eye-wink
I thought you were supposed to be good with money. Laughing out loud

I would have never associated a department store card with cashable cheques. I'd not known of anyone doing this before, nor since then. This was one crafty gal.

Well, thanks for the tips. LOL

I got this in an e-mail. I

I got this in an e-mail. I cheated and got a hint because I couldn't find the nude dude.
Can you?
http://www.whereisnudedude.com.au/

Yep, he is Speedy Gonzales

Yep, he is Speedy Gonzales with a bit of a wiggle (bum) Smiling kinda cute!!

Politically correct terms

Politically correct terms for the twenty first century.

Women: She doesn't nag you; she is orally repetitive
She's not an air head; she's reality impaired.
Men: He is not balding; he is in follicle regression
He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has swine empathy.

Other:

Full of Crap: Fecally plenary
Gang: Youth Group
Geek: Socially challenged
Ghetto/Barrio: ethnically homogeneous area
Hunter: Bambi slayer
Klutz: kinesthetically challenged
Redneck: rustically inclined
Doctors: endangered species Evil

wishandaprayer wrote: I

wishandaprayer wrote:

I got this in an e-mail. I cheated and got a hint because I couldn't find the nude dude.
Can you?
http://www.whereisnudedude.com.au/

Oh...so you had to forward ME the 23 Psalm email instead of nude dude... What gives Wisher???? Sticking out tongue Stop trying to save my soul!

I posted this a long, long

I posted this a long, long time ago but I think it's due for a repeat. Laughing out loud

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=gWPwlMv8lNI

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
wishandaprayer wrote:

I got this in an e-mail. I cheated and got a hint because I couldn't find the nude dude.
Can you?
http://www.whereisnudedude.com.au/

Oh...so you had to forward ME the 23 Psalm email instead of nude dude... What gives Wisher???? Sticking out tongue Stop trying to save my soul!

What? Laughing out loud You weren't the only fornicator/atheist that I sent it to!!! Laughing out loud Evil Laughing out loud

I have only recently learned

I have only recently learned that all computer screens on

the inside are

covered with bacteria, dust, germs, etc. that can be

dangerous to your

health.

This is caused by a variety of reasons and it can prove to

be a health

hazard for everyone that uses the computer Some at the CDC

in Atlanta have

recently said that this problem can be as dangerous as

cigarette smoking

because of the time that most of us are now spending on

computers for work

and personal reasons.

As a special present to each of you for the new year, I am

providing you

with the below link special program at no cost to you to

correct this fast

growing potential health problem.

Click on this link to clean the inside of your screen:

> http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

Good one Wish!!

Good one Wish!!

This is a bit rich, but a

This is a bit rich, but a bit humourous.

Anyone suffering from any of these maladies?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7853564.stm

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

This is a bit rich, but a bit humourous.

Anyone suffering from any of these maladies?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7853564.stm

That IS funny! Wow...the physical impossibility...? I was trying to find a serious paper on it, before it was outed as a hoax.

The website of a department

The website of a department store wouldn't normally be considered "entertaining."

But the Dutch department store, Hema, has a sense of humour.

You don't need to be able to read the language to enjoy this page.

Turn on your speakers and wait about 10 seconds. Keep your eyes on the blue cup.

Hema Online Shopping

I took my dad to the mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new
shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food
court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next
to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring
at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every
time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically
asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done
anything wild in your life?'
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would
not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one,
and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a pea****. I was
just wondering if you were my son.'

(No subject)

May I be blunt with you?

Daenerys wrote: May I be

Daenerys wrote:

May I be blunt with you? Laughing out loud
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=_Eng-pRT9uA&feature=related

He reminds me of one of my favourite docs. This guy was a practical joker and sometimes did a real number on his patients. He used to play a version of "May I be blunt with you?" when revealing test results. One time he told me I was going to die, and I guess I must have had some sort of look of an impending cardiac arrest that he finally let roll off of his lips, "eventually".

It's a good thing he was twice my size or I might have committed dociside, right there and then. Laughing out loud Evil

Waking Up is Hard to

Tiger & monkey

A man wakes up in the

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did-better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.'
The man perks up at this. 'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.' So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting new countertops.'

Wife Prank Gone Wrong [A

Wife Prank Gone Wrong [A Woman Scorned ...]

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=1piuJzS7H-4&feature=related

... and what about the brother?

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:

Wife Prank Gone Wrong [A Woman Scorned ...]

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=1piuJzS7H-4&feature=related

... and what about the brother?

That's a classic.
I've often wondered if it was staged but I can't find anything on it.

Daenerys wrote: That's a

Daenerys wrote:

That's a classic.
I've often wondered if it was staged but I can't find anything on it.

I hadn't seen it in a great while. I'm sure it was staged, but funny just the same.

It reminds me of just how quickly a conversation can go sideways ... with someone ending up in the doghouse, or worse.

MicOnTheNorthShore

MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

That's a classic.
I've often wondered if it was staged but I can't find anything on it.

I hadn't seen it in a great while. I'm sure it was staged, but funny just the same.

It reminds me of just how quickly a conversation can go sideways ... with someone ending up in the doghouse, or worse.

Um. ya. Eye-wink
Here's another classic: http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/3/Police-birthday-prank-260643.html
Those police sure have a weird sense of humour. Laughing out loud

The Gay Rancher A successful

The Gay Rancher

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town And kick up your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. 'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly. 'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. 'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. 'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
MicOnTheNorthShore wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

That's a classic.
I've often wondered if it was staged but I can't find anything on it.

I hadn't seen it in a great while. I'm sure it was staged, but funny just the same.

It reminds me of just how quickly a conversation can go sideways ... with someone ending up in the doghouse, or worse.

Um. ya. Eye-wink
Here's another classic: http://www.break.com/usercontent/2007/3/Police-birthday-prank-260643.html
Those police sure have a weird sense of humour. Laughing out loud

I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

Twain wrote: ... I wonder

Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

COMPUTER CLEANER I have only

COMPUTER CLEANER

I have only recently learned that all computer screens on

the inside are

covered with bacteria, dust, germs, etc. that can be

dangerous to your

health.

This is caused by a variety of reasons and it can prove to

be a health

hazard for everyone that uses the computer Some at the CDC

in Atlanta have

recently said that this problem can be as dangerous as

cigarette smoking

because of the time that most of us are now spending on

computers for work

and personal reasons.

As a special present to each of you for the new year, I am

providing you

with the below link special program at no cost to you to

correct this fast

growing potential health problem.

Click on this link to clean the inside of your screen:

http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does
that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then
what exactly are the others here for?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed
UP? ?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny
little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use.
Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put
their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until
you learn to drive?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words 'The' and ' IRS ' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?

Lord, please keep Your arm around my
shoulders and Your hand over my mouth. Amen

I knew it......I knew it!

I knew it......I knew it!
I knew they would finally release the
Ingredients in Viagra!
3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

Daenerys wrote: Twain

Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain wrote: Daenerys

Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

Poor Birthday Boy looked like he was having a mental breakdown. Sometimes people call things pranks that are so over the edge. Not pranks at all.

heartthrob wrote: Poor

heartthrob wrote:

Poor Birthday Boy looked like he was having a mental breakdown. Sometimes people call things pranks that are so over the edge. Not pranks at all.

I think it was taken from an episode of Reno 911.

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

...

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

hahahaha...you guys...I'm pretty sure Twain knows it was a joke and not a dead body. hahahahaha
And yes, this was actually supposed to be from some show...giggle...but that poor guy looks soooo believable in his drunken haze!

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

...

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

hahahaha...you guys...I'm pretty sure Twain knows it was a joke and not a dead body. hahahahaha
And yes, this was actually supposed to be from some show...giggle...but that poor guy looks soooo believable in his drunken haze!

So it wasn't a real cruel joke?! Thank goodness! Laughing out loud

wishandaprayer

wishandaprayer wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

...

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

hahahaha...you guys...I'm pretty sure Twain knows it was a joke and not a dead body. hahahahaha
And yes, this was actually supposed to be from some show...giggle...but that poor guy looks soooo believable in his drunken haze!

So it wasn't a real cruel joke?! Thank goodness! Laughing out loud

Yep...just a fake cruel joke. Smiling

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

Missed that.
I took another look. She's off in the corner.

Twain

Twain wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

Missed that.
I took another look. She's off in the corner.

I thought that was the case. Eye-wink Smiling

Twain

Twain wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

Missed that.
I took another look. She's off in the corner.

LOL...Wow! Shocked You seriously thought they would do that with a REAL dead body??? No offense Twain but... Shocked HAHAHAHAHA

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? "

"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo ****. It mean someone stole the tent.

Daenerys wrote: Twain

Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Twain wrote:
Daenerys wrote:
Twain wrote:

...
I wonder how people would react if a group of doctors pulled a stunt like that. Would it be considered "a weird sense of humour"? Why should we expect and/or accept anything less from our police?

But Twain, don't doctors pull those kinds of stunts all the time on the rookies? Wasn't it Levi describing his joke with a dead man??
I don't get what you're trying to say...
...Unless you're just upset because I said your joke wasn't funny? Laughing out loud
I thought all your other ones were funny.

The whole thing is disgusting. That's no way to treat the dead.
BTW, I've never seen anything like this in my training.
And that's no joke.

Twain, I agree, it is a nasty joke . . . but there was no dead body . . . take a look again, the dead woman is wishing the policeman a happy birthday, too. (Maybe she's related to Random.)

Missed that.
I took another look. She's off in the corner.

LOL...Wow! Shocked You seriously thought they would do that with a REAL dead body??? No offense Twain but... Shocked HAHAHAHAHA

NO!!! (Well, at least I didn't think that) I just didn't think it was funny to torment that man like that. He seemed extremely upset, (of course), and I thought that you were saying that he was just an actor too - that he wasn't really upset.
Was it a really cruel, heartless, thoughtless prank, or was the Birthday Boy just acting?
I don't like those jackass pranks!!! (But of course, my son loves Jackass stuff)
O.K. - Some of the Jackass stuff is funny - but some of it is just the work of jackasses.

Huh...Better not forget

Huh...Better not forget Valentine's Day fellas!!!! Laughing out loud

http://www.break.com/index/dont-forget-valentines-day.html

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND
THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.....YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY
FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE
HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED THAT A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO
OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF
HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MUSTANG! ' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THAT UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ASS,

GRAY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

SON OF A B*@@## ASKED....

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???

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