HUMOR - on one page

Don't mess with the Amish

Don't mess with the Amish. An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand. The Amish man shouts: 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have **** in it.' The man shouts back: 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand your gibberish. Speak English, infidel!' The Amish man says: 'Use two hands,.You'll get more.'

Three guys die together in

Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there,
St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is
almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to
avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains
them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend
eternity chained to the ugly woman!"

The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St.
Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. He
chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.

The thrid guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all
eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to
go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him
with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan,
curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of
eternity?"

She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

The Cadbury's Candy Co. And

The Cadbury's Candy Co. And Merck Drug Co. Have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and in both Wal-Mart and Costco Pharmacies.

They're going to be called..

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'Pre-dick-a-mints!'

I n its January 22, 2008

I n its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City newspaper, Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group.

Generations are grouped as follows:

- The Silent generation, people born before 1945.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.

- Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976.

- Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 1989.

For the last one, one can ask why Y?...

; A caricaturist explains it eloquently below...

heartthrob wrote: I n

heartthrob wrote:

I n its January 22, 2008 edition, the Quebec City newspaper, Le Soleil, had a topic about generations by age group.

Generations are grouped as follows:

- The Silent generation, people born before 1945.

- The Baby Boomers, people born between 1945 and 1961.

- Generation X, people born between 1962 and 1976.

- Generation Y, people born between 1977 and 1989.

For the last one, one can ask why Y?...

; A caricaturist explains it eloquently below...

LOL . . . this brings back memories . . . one of my sons had pants like those!!

New German Pope makes

New German Pope makes changes....

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25 REASONS I OWE MY

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me: IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me: CONTORTIONIST.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother t aught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER .
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me: HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. M y mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me: ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me: GENETICS.
'I swear you're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me: WISDOM ..
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favorite: My MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT JUSTICE
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!

A man was sick and tired >

A man was sick and tired
> of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
>
> He wanted her to
> see what he went through so he prayed:
>
> 'Dear Lord: I go to work every
> day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
> I want her to
> know what I go through, so please
> allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
> Amen.
>
> God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
>
> The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
> He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the
> kids, set out their
> school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
> drove them to
> school, came home and
> picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and
> stopped at the bank
> to make a deposit, went
> grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the
> groceries, paid the bills
> and balanced the cheque book
> He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the
> dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the
> beds, do the
> laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen
> floor. Ran to the school
> to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on
> the way home.
> Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do
> their homework,
> then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did
> the ironing.
> At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables
> for salad, breaded
> the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
>
> After supper, he cleaned the
> kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,
> bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
>
> At 9 P.M. he was exhaus ted and, though his daily chores
> weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected
> to make love, which
> he managed to get through without
>
> complaint.
>
> The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the
> bed and said: Lord,
> I don't know what I was thinking.
> I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay
> home all day. Please, oh
> please, let us trade back.'
>
> The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
> 'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I
> will be happy to change
> things back to the way they were. You'll just have to
> wait nine months,
> though. You got pregnant last night.'

Pfizer Advertising

Pfizer Advertising Promotion:

You know you've been

You know you've been spending too much time on RateMds when....

You're looking up the vet's phone number, and you see "Industrial Vibrators", and you think of a suitable thread for that on RateMds.

And then you find something that will make an even better post. You're glancing through your husband's Home Workshop magazine, and you see a picture of a man with a big grin on his face with the statement: "I hadn't gotten a compliment on my deck for years..."
"Now that's all I get
BEHR Premium Weatherproofer rejuventated my deck like some kind of magic.
The NanoGuard technology makes all the difference-and the protection lasts. Now I'm spending less time maintaining my deck and more time enjoying it. And the best part is, everybody who comes over tells me how great it looks."
Innovation like this lets you BEHR your soul.

(No subject)

Eye-wink

The year is 2016 and the

The year is 2016 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as
the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb.
She calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So,
Mom, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration.

"I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he
used to be, and please my arthritis is acting up again."

"Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you
home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth would I
wear?"

"Oh Mom" replies Susan, "I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown
custom-made by the best designer in New York "
"Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat the fancy foods that you and your
friends like to eat."

The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to
be handled by the best caterer in New York! , kosher all the way. Please, Mom,
I really want you to come."

So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 21, 2017, Susan Goldfarb is being
sworn in as President of the United States.

In the front row sits the new president's mother, who leans over to a senator
sitting next to her.

"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President
of the United States ?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."

Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a doctor

I can never get these

I can never get these pictures to come out. Sticking out tongue This is a little different than what I was trying to post.

http://www.jibjab.com/view/215693

Hmmm. I can't edit either.

HOPE AT LEAST ONE OF THESE PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE!!

If you stare at this picture long enough

You should be able to see a giraffe.

This is weird. Give it a try.

Have a happy Mental Health Day[/img]

heartthrob wrote: "You

heartthrob wrote:

"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President
of the United States ?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."

Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a doctor

How true

Twain wrote: heartthrob

Twain wrote:
heartthrob wrote:

"You see that woman over there with her hand on the Torah, becoming President
of the United States ?"

The Senator whispers back, "Yes, I do."

Says Mom proudly, "Her brother is a doctor

How true

Taking pride where the family jewels reside.

Atheist in Trouble An

Atheist in Trouble

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"

"Come on God, give me a break!!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

If you have sex 365 times a

If you have sex 365 times a year and you melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire, what would you call it? A ****en Goodyear!

Sex is like playing ♠spades.♠ If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Big Bad Wolf told Little red riding hood lift your top so I can suck your ****. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the ****en book says!

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a **** happy!

Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

cheers

That was a GOOD one!!!

Smiling That was a GOOD one!!! Smiling Smiling Smiling

glad that you liked that

glad that you liked that one!

cheers

crazycatlady wrote: If you

crazycatlady wrote:

If you have sex 365 times a year and you melted down all the condoms 2 make a tire, what would you call it? A ****en Goodyear!

Sex is like playing ♠spades.♠ If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Big Bad Wolf told Little red riding hood lift your top so I can suck your ****. no, she said while lifting her skirt, eat me like the ****en book says!

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a **** happy!

Girls have unique magic tricks, they get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.

cheers

I enjoy a good joke, and don't mind the ones that are sexually slanted. But I find these jokes trashy and tasteless. If I wanted to read something like this, I'd go to the "Adult" sites.

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

Sex is like playing ♠spades.♠ If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

...

I enjoy a good joke, and don't mind the ones that are sexually slanted. But I find these jokes trashy and tasteless. If I wanted to read something like this, I'd go to the "Adult" sites.

Maybe you're a prude AE. Eye-wink The only one I liked was the one I left quoted here. I had a bit of a hard time with them too but some people have different funny bones?

I kind of liked the first

I kind of liked the first one...
2 was o.k.
3,4 and 5 were over the top for me.

Daenerys wrote: Maybe

Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Ohhhh, but I think it really depends on the amount that you use it and the STYLE with which it is used.
If it is overused, then I tune out and dismiss the speaker, but if it is used with the right humour (or...other lol) then, my attention is definitely held. Smiling (And you know I was joking about the prude thing right? Just a carry over from another thread.)

Daenerys wrote: (And you

Daenerys wrote:

(And you know I was joking about the prude thing right? . . .)

. . . Oh, I heard you loud and clear Shocked . . . no mistake as to what you were saying . . . Shocked

Evil Eye-wink Smiling

There are worse things than

There are worse things than being a prude - not that you're a prude. Smiling

wisheronstars wrote: . . .

wisheronstars wrote:

. . . not that you're a prude. Smiling

Says who? Puzzled Puzzled

Well - I don't know... I'm

Well - I don't know...
I'm not a prude.
Testing...Did you like my joke letter above?

(It was in reference to

(It was in reference to Pam's joke on the SEX site)

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Hi AE,
I agree 100%. I have heard that word until I am sick & tired of it! With many people it's their every other word. I love Twain & The ****itol ad was very funny but I think he opened Pandora's box with regard to language here on the forum when he posted that.
Wanda

impatientpatien

impatientpatien wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Hi AE,
I agree 100%. I have heard that word until I am sick & tired of it! With many people it's their every other word. I love Twain & The ****itol ad was very funny but I think he opened Pandora's box with regard to language here on the forum when he posted that.
Wanda

I don't know, Wanda. With Twain's "Fukitol" ad, it more or less in reference to an attitude, and I did find it funny. From his post, if someone had a problem they didn't know how to deal with they would just pop one of these pills. Maybe, it wasn't even the language that I found offensive, but the content. There have been plenty of jokes that have been posted that have a sexual slant to them . . . I posted some of them myself, but some of the jokes posted by Crazycat, went beyond that, to being out-and-out crude. That's what I was mostly objecting about.

Hi AE, I know what you mean.

Hi AE,
I know what you mean. I thought the fukitol ad was funny & almost had posted it myself but was reluctant because I wasn't sure it was a good idea to introduce the "f" word here. It just seems to me that after that one the tone here dropped & now we're getting some really sleazy stuff such as the ones you objected to. It's hard to know where the line is but I really think Crazycatlady stepped over it.
Take Care,
Wanda

What I usually do when

What I usually do when something is irritating, or not my taste, is to scroll right down past it. Some might like it, some might not. Here's the thing. Did you read it all the way to the end?

heartthrob wrote: What I

heartthrob wrote:

What I usually do when something is irritating, or not my taste, is to scroll right down past it. Some might like it, some might not. Here's the thing. Did you read it all the way to the end?

Yeah, crazy, eh? Eye-wink

wisheronstars

wisheronstars wrote:
heartthrob wrote:

What I usually do when something is irritating, or not my taste, is to scroll right down past it. Some might like it, some might not. Here's the thing. Did you read it all the way to the end?

Yeah, crazy, eh? Eye-wink

I only say that because there was some discussion of which were OK, and which were better or worse or just tolerable. So, what I was saying is things I find distasteful, I generally won't read.

heartthrob wrote: What I

heartthrob wrote:

What I usually do when something is irritating, or not my taste, is to scroll right down past it. Some might like it, some might not. Here's the thing. Did you read it all the way to the end?

Hi Pam, you said somewhere else that you have been going through some stuff and so, haven't been on much lately. How are you doing?

Daenerys wrote: Hi Pam,

Daenerys wrote:

Hi Pam, you said somewhere else that you have been going through some stuff and so, haven't been on much lately. How are you doing?

Hi Daenerys and thanks for asking. I don't know what happens to me sometimes because this isn't my usual. I have been in a terrible slump. I got on Zoloft, so we'll see. It hasn't made much difference yet. Could be much of it has to do with my appeals hearing coming up May 9. If that's the problem, it's subconscious Puzzled How are you doing? I hope you're getting along OK Eye-wink

pam

heartthrob wrote: Hi

heartthrob wrote:

Hi Daenerys and thanks for asking. I don't know what happens to me sometimes because this isn't my usual. I have been in a terrible slump. I got on Zoloft, so we'll see. It hasn't made much difference yet. Could be much of it has to do with my appeals hearing coming up May 9. If that's the problem, it's subconscious Puzzled How are you doing? I hope you're getting along OK Eye-wink

pam

Getting along? lol
So you just started the Zoloft? Will this help with your anxiety? What happens at the appeals hearing? Is it a panel or ...?

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
heartthrob wrote:

Hi Daenerys and thanks for asking. I don't know what happens to me sometimes because this isn't my usual. I have been in a terrible slump. I got on Zoloft, so we'll see. It hasn't made much difference yet. Could be much of it has to do with my appeals hearing coming up May 9. If that's the problem, it's subconscious Puzzled How are you doing? I hope you're getting along OK Eye-wink

pam

Getting along? lol
So you just started the Zoloft? Will this help with your anxiety? What happens at the appeals hearing? Is it a panel or ...?

I'll be back later tonight. Gotta go make supper... And just because this is still the humour thread:

Daenerys wrote: So you

Daenerys wrote:

So you just started the Zoloft? Will this help with your anxiety? What happens at the appeals hearing? Is it a panel or ...?

I'm hoping the Zoloft will help with depression and anxiety. The hearing will be Hopkins lawyer, our lawyer, and three judges. The judges have had all the submitted data since the appeal was filed, about 3 months ago, so the 3 judges have been reviewing the case all this time. Our respective lawyers will have a chance to give their shpeils, and then the judges will have time to reach a judgement. It could take hours. It could take months. This is my last chance to see justice, so that might be my cause for anxiety, fear and frustration Puzzled Am I going to be swept under the rug once more? That sort of thing. Of course, if that is what is causing my problems now, it is unconscious, as I try not to think about it. It does me no good now to think about it.

pam

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Generally, I agree with your uncle. I became sick to death of people using people using a four letter word to decribe everything a very long time ago. One thing they all had in common is raging hostility as a state of being. Funny thing is I've seen the same behavior exhibited by people in high authority with post graduate degrees too though not nearly as often. They may not have been spun from the same yarn but they've got the same print on their cloth.

heartthrob

heartthrob wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

So you just started the Zoloft? Will this help with your anxiety? What happens at the appeals hearing? Is it a panel or ...?

I'm hoping the Zoloft will help with depression and anxiety. The hearing will be Hopkins lawyer, our lawyer, and three judges. The judges have had all the submitted data since the appeal was filed, about 3 months ago, so the 3 judges have been reviewing the case all this time. Our respective lawyers will have a chance to give their shpeils, and then the judges will have time to reach a judgement. It could take hours. It could take months. This is my last chance to see justice, so that might be my cause for anxiety, fear and frustration Puzzled Am I going to be swept under the rug once more? That sort of thing. Of course, if that is what is causing my problems now, it is unconscious, as I try not to think about it. It does me no good now to think about it.

pam

Hi Pam. Can you do the chat function?

As I walked down the busy

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.
Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.
Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.
Recalling some long ago Parochial School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.
Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out,
"Reach out, reach out!"

So I did..........

I Won't be in Church this week!!

heartthrob

heartthrob wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

So you just started the Zoloft? Will this help with your anxiety? What happens at the appeals hearing? Is it a panel or ...?

I'm hoping the Zoloft will help with depression and anxiety. The hearing will be Hopkins lawyer, our lawyer, and three judges. The judges have had all the submitted data since the appeal was filed, about 3 months ago, so the 3 judges have been reviewing the case all this time. Our respective lawyers will have a chance to give their shpeils, and then the judges will have time to reach a judgement. It could take hours. It could take months. This is my last chance to see justice, so that might be my cause for anxiety, fear and frustration Puzzled Am I going to be swept under the rug once more? That sort of thing. Of course, if that is what is causing my problems now, it is unconscious, as I try not to think about it. It does me no good now to think about it.

pam

Hi, Pam.

I don't want to sound like a pestimist, because I'm really an optimist at heart. When I had filed my second complaint against my ex psychiatrist, I was absolutely positive that I had given the College more than adequate information to prove that he had produced a fraudulent file. Yet, my psychiatrist would always ask, "What will you do if the College rules in his favor?" This question would ruffle my feathers . . . but it did make me think "outside of the box" that I was living in.

"What will I do?" "How would I react?" "Will I fall apart if they saw my complaint as being invalid?" These are some of the questions that I forced myself to look at. Because, I was living in a perfect world where the truth ruled, I had to force myself to look at reality. What was reality? . . . it was what the investigator of my complaint said when I showed him the truth and he replied with, "But a good lawyer could say . . .". It wasn't about truth; it wasn't about justice; it was how words can be manipulated, events changed and the doctor comes out looking like he was the one wronged by false accusations. Reality is some doctors lie, and, with the help of a good lawyer, they can beat the system of truth and justice.

I look back at my psychiatrist's question, "What will you do if they rule in his favor?" and I can clearly see why she brought this up. She was preparing me. Preparing me for reality. Preparing me to meet an unjust decision. She knew that there was "another side" to what I thought would be the outcome. An area that I didn't want to think about, because I felt so sure that my ex psychiatrist would be seen to have committed a crime.

But, today, I am glad that she forced me to look at the other side, which helped to prepare myself for disappointment. Yes, it stung when I was given the "decision," which was in his favour. Yes, I shed some tears. Yes, I ranted and raved about the injustice of it all. But, most importantly, I was able to cope with it. I had prepared myself for this verdict.

So I ask you Pam, to "look at the other side." What will you do if they rule in the doctor's favor?

Whatever the outcome, always remember what the "fight" was about and that you did the "best" you could do.

You have the support of a great number of people on this forum, including mine. I wish you the best of luck in getting justice. You deserve it.

Sherry

JaneQPatient

JaneQPatient wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Generally, I agree with your uncle. I became sick to death of people using people using a four letter word to decribe everything a very long time ago. One thing they all had in common is raging hostility as a state of being. Funny thing is I've seen the same behavior exhibited by people in high authority with post graduate degrees too though not nearly as often. They may not have been spun from the same yarn but they've got the same print on their cloth.

My uncle was a good man and well respected. When he heard someone speaking vulgarly, he would quietly put them in place and most often the other person was seeing things in a different perspective. I don't understand today's society where vulgarity is so commonly accepted. What ever happened to "gentlemen and ladies?"

When I get trreated like a

When I get trreated like a lady, I'll act like a lady. When I get treated like a crazy person, I'll act like a crazy person. I didn't get treated right.

Placed here by

Placed here by request.

Common Sense wrote:

Common Sense
Submitted by educator on Tue, 03/20/2007 - 22:42. Main Forum
Anybody seen the irony ?

Bottom line = you can't please everybody all the time, and you're damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Wake up and smell the roses - MDs are scarce resources globally, and humans who are also prone to imperfection : until that's "resolved" complaints wont go away.

It's all perception of "perfection" : "y" says she didn't bother to spend time with me / wasn't chatty enough / didn't have time for my 10 complaints / was abrupt / is only interested in the $, "z" says I waited 1 hour to see her (remember "y"s 10 complaints) / she's slow / etc etc.

Do sane people actually believe an MD enjoys keeping people waiting ? Do they actually have any insight into why MDs "rush" through interviews, and do they actually believe any MD wouldn't rather have the luxury of spending half an hour on each and every case ?

Did you know that surveys show that approx 70 % of Canadian MDs rate themselves "burnt out" / depressed ? Did you know that MDs have much higher divorce and suicide rates due to their work / lifestyles ? Sound like a "great" lifestyle ? Any of the complainers like to swap a 70-80 hour work week to keep up with the community needs (ah, yes, but I forgot : it's all about the $$, isn't it ?).

Good heavens people, you are not rating a service industry like a burger joint, or a luxury commodity. You are attempting to rate a basic human need provided by individuals that overwhelmingly do care, and are by far in the majority competent by professional standards
( as opposed to perceptual ratings by anyone with whatever axe to grind).

MDs are not infallible : if you want someone who is "perfect" you would be better off trusting in a higher being. Lots of rants here about MDs thinking themeselves God, yet you want them held to that standard - anybody, including yourselves, err. Do MDs have sleepless nights due to errors : you bet your bottom dollar, but luckily they happen few and far inbetween. Hope you can say the same about your path through life.

Seen some pretty damned decent MDs ripped to shreds on this site by untested subjective "facts" : anybody with a bit of common sense ever wondered if the regular whingers are not "ill" or have agendas ?

The founder's response to poor "reviews" : get your happy patients to post. Remember the old adage "innocent until proven guilty" ? : out the window, and you're expected to prove you're innocent. Anybody care for a legal system run along the same lines ? Or how about a site where mds could rate patients by name and anonymously based on their perceptions of how "good" they are as patients : go for it John !

Burn't out and cynical - ya betcha. Want something real to whinge about ? : try accompanying an MD on a third world volunteer mission, and then come back and whinge about waiting an hour to see that MD or how bad you have it in life.

Want flawless / immediate access to / exhaustive interviews without time constraints being a factor ? - you better hope and pray our government is training 3 x our current MD numbers. Aaah, I forgot : that means more taxes, doesn't it ?

Want every MD to have 100 % perfect diagnostic skills and every procedure to be risk / error free ? : don't hold your breath, welcome to planet earth - this aint no TV show.

Jane Im honored you actually

Jane Im honored you actually read my posts Shock Lets do coffee some time Smiling

Dr BONES wrote: Jane Im

Dr BONES wrote:

Jane Im honored you actually read my posts Shock Lets do coffee some time Smiling

It's all a big joke to you, is it?

wisheronstars wrote: Dr

wisheronstars wrote:
Dr BONES wrote:

Jane Im honored you actually read my posts Shock Lets do coffee some time Smiling

It's all a big joke to you, is it?

Indeed, there is another thread which was missplaced. But never fear, I've got it here!

Dr BONES wrote:

Removal of false posters
Submitted by Dr BONES on Tue, 04/15/2008 - 13:03. Main Forum
John I dont understand why if the site is based on free speech why posters who criticize the site are removed? It would seem fair that if the site is based on free internet speech and this forum is for medical discussions to censure posters critical of the site seems to be exactly what you are striving to change that is by stiffling criticism of the site you are in fact no better than the supposed medical community stiffling errors or mistakes in the profession. You say it is based on false ID and monitor this intensely but do not offer the same luxury to the rating postings so why the double standard here. I would hope you could explain this one because quite frankly I dont get it. If the site is REALLY about improving health care as you profess then Why not allow ALL discussions good and bad as the site itself is a service why not allow it to be criticed?
Dr Bones

http://www.ratemds.com/social/?q=node/30756

There's a place for everything. Now this one's where it should have been all along.

I so dislike having to tidy-up after other people.

JaneQPatient wrote: I so

JaneQPatient wrote:

I so dislike having to tidy-up after other people.

LOL . . . I'm enjoying your sense of humour, Jane! Eye-wink Smiling

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

I so dislike having to tidy-up after other people.

LOL . . . I'm enjoying your sense of humour, Jane! Eye-wink Smiling

This is soooo funny. Can you

This is soooo funny. Can you imagine? The poor lady is just terrified but thinks she's crazy...and the poor third guy in the orange shirt...OMG, watch him shake his head in denial. LOL

Doesn't seem to be loading. Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Bf-7PxQ894

Now watch this one. The

Now watch this one. The funniest part is at the end:

This is getting irritating...Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G__MA8QLQH0&feature=related

Those were great, Daenerys!

Those were great, Daenerys! I don't watch TV. But when I go to my parent's place, I do get to get my fill of the boob tube. Out of all the programs my parents watch, "Just for Laughs" ("Gags") is my favourite!

(No subject)

Puzzled

NEVER CHEAT ON A SOUTHERN

NEVER CHEAT ON A SOUTHERN WOMAN!!!!!
>
> A Southern wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.
>
> With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting firewood power, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.
>
> She put his tally-whacker in a vice and then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw.
>
> The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, 'Stop! Stop!
> You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty damn saw, are you?'
>
> The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said......
>
> 'Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire, and go to town for a cold beer. You do whatever you want.'
>

So I ran into a fellow with

So I ran into a fellow with whom I had shared a few classes, years ago. He told me that he had lost two wives in the past couple of years. I was horrified. Yeah, he said, she died from eating poison mushrooms. How awful, I cried. He said his second wife fell down a staircase. Oh no, I exclaimed, how did that happen. Well, he said....

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.....

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

I so dislike having to tidy-up after other people.

LOL . . . I'm enjoying your sense of humour, Jane! Eye-wink Smiling

And those who have to pay for it!!! Evil

Mairen wrote: So I ran

Mairen wrote:

So I ran into a fellow with whom I had shared a few classes, years ago. He told me that he had lost two wives in the past couple of years. I was horrified. Yeah, he said, she died from eating poison mushrooms. How awful, I cried. He said his second wife fell down a staircase. Oh no, I exclaimed, how did that happen. Well, he said....

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.....

LOL...now THAT'S a wild coincidence eh Pam??? LOL Funny Mairen Smiling

Mairen wrote: So I ran

Mairen wrote:

So I ran into a fellow with whom I had shared a few classes, years ago. He told me that he had lost two wives in the past couple of years. I was horrified. Yeah, he said, she died from eating poison mushrooms. How awful, I cried. He said his second wife fell down a staircase. Oh no, I exclaimed, how did that happen. Well, he said....

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.....

Mairen,I don't think that is so funny,people that use drugs are trying to hide their issues. Sad

Msdoodle wrote: Mairen

Msdoodle wrote:
Mairen wrote:

So I ran into a fellow with whom I had shared a few classes, years ago. He told me that he had lost two wives in the past couple of years. I was horrified. Yeah, he said, she died from eating poison mushrooms. How awful, I cried. He said his second wife fell down a staircase. Oh no, I exclaimed, how did that happen. Well, he said....

She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.....

Mairen,I don't think that is so funny,people that use drugs are trying to hide their issues. Sad

Doodle...she said POISON mushrooms...where's your head at? Eye-wink

nevermind..

Sad nevermind..

Daenerys wrote: LOL...now

Daenerys wrote:

LOL...now THAT'S a wild coincidence eh Pam??? LOL Funny Mairen Smiling

Pretty wild Eye-wink

She said poison mushrooms,in

She said poison mushrooms,in the first part Daenerys,my nephew has used those before,and that's a scary thought. I pray he doesn't do it anymore. I will tell him they are poison,but I don't think he cares.

Msdoodle wrote: She said

Msdoodle wrote:

She said poison mushrooms,in the first part Daenerys,my nephew has used those before,and that's a scary thought. I pray he doesn't do it anymore. I will tell him they are poison,but I don't think he cares.

Hey Doodle, I'm very sorry to hear about...wait a sec, is it your brother-in-law...or is it your nephew...or are they two separate subjects? Getting confused with all Wisher's smilies running around.
Ummm, and oh, just to help you out a bit, it's *magic* mushrooms, not poison mushrooms although I'm sure they CAN be poisonous in certain instances. Smiling

heartthrob

heartthrob wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

LOL...now THAT'S a wild coincidence eh Pam??? LOL Funny Mairen Smiling

Pretty wild Eye-wink

brownies anyone?
edit: Oh my gosh...okay, so the dance moms told me a story on the weekend. They told me about a little old lady who was admitted to the ER because everyone thought she was having a stroke. They did all kinds of tests but nothing was coming back conclusive. Everybody was SEVERELY worried, doctors included, until finally her grandchild stepped up and admitted to making brownies...which he left on the table...and granny ate some. Jawdropping!

I think many here could

I think many here could benefit from those brownies. Shocked

Rain Rain go away,come back

Rain Rain go away,come back again another day. Better yet,how about the night time. Laughing out loud

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
heartthrob wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

LOL...now THAT'S a wild coincidence eh Pam??? LOL Funny Mairen Smiling

Pretty wild Eye-wink

brownies anyone?
edit: Oh my gosh...okay, so the dance moms told me a story on the weekend. They told me about a little old lady who was admitted to the ER because everyone thought she was having a stroke. They did all kinds of tests but nothing was coming back conclusive. Everybody was SEVERELY worried, doctors included, until finally her grandchild stepped up and admitted to making brownies...which he left on the table...and granny ate some. Jawdropping!

Oh dear, poor granny! Who the heck would test for that? Those were called "Alice B. Toklas" brownies...LOL

Mairen wrote: Oh dear,

Mairen wrote:

Oh dear, poor granny! Who the heck would test for that? Those were called "Alice B. Toklas" brownies...LOL

Really? A blood test for brownies?

JaneQPatient

JaneQPatient wrote:

Indeed, there is another thread which was missplaced. But never fear, I've got it here!

. . .

There's a place for everything. Now this one's where it should have been all along.

I so dislike having to tidy-up after other people.

Jane, here's another one that got on the wrong page:

cherie22001 wrote:

I do not know who you are and you know nothing about me. I also do not know if all that you say is true or you are pretending to be some dramatic person you really are not. I can add to your drama my dear man for I have travelled to many countries volunteering myself in the poorest of places, feeding starving children, teaching hygiene to people who never saw a soap bar, holding the hand of a mother giving birth in a field and I can go on and on and on....and my dear man I did alll this after losing my own precious child to a brain tumor. I am a fortunate lady because I am loved my many and blessed with gifts of friends all around the world. When I referred to the doctors as "idiots" I was being kind. These so-called "family doctors in Ontario are total jokes!!!! You cannot believe the errors they make..they rush the patients in and out as quickly as they can to get more money when so many people have very serious medical issues and desperately need help and by the way my dear man this is a known fact here!! It is known ny the pharmacy people, it is known by specialists and it is a true pathetic fact! I would have liked to use other words rather than "idiots" but since you can see my dear man I am a "dear lady" so much to polite for such language. I am sorry for your loss but pain cannot be measured and mine is quite deep in my heart as no doubt yours is and many many others not only here on this forum but around the world. A doctor usually goes into the profession because he cares but that often changes over time and yes they do have their own lives and yes it is difficult for many of them and yes they suffer too...my husband is a doctor and he buried his little child..we are all vulnerable. Do not pretend to be above me nor anyone else for you are not...your posts are meaningless to me for you write to me in a put-down way. Is it not enough that there are a few cats here pulling out hairs..probably bored people signing here because they have no life????? I think you are better than that no my dear man????? cherie

Actually, perhaps we should start a new thread and call it "Fiction" Eye-wink Smiling

heartthrob wrote: Mairen

heartthrob wrote:
Mairen wrote:

Oh dear, poor granny! Who the heck would test for that? Those were called "Alice B. Toklas" brownies...LOL

Really? A blood test for brownies?

What? You silly BLONDES!!! They didn't test for brownies! They were giving her tests to see is she was having a stroke.

Is this a thong bikini or a

Is this a thong bikini or a string bikini?? I never get to watch them on the beach so I am pretty naive...
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
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Watch out... It might be to much for you!!!
?

?

?

You want more???
scroll down.....

GOTCHA!!!
?

?

?

A cowboy walks into a bar in

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Longview and I had to quit drinking ......Hasn't affected my brothers though.

heartthrob wrote: A

heartthrob wrote:

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of Beer and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin, and I'm in Texas. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church in Longview and I had to quit drinking ......Hasn't affected my brothers though.

HA HA!

Oh, hey...has anyone else noticed Leviculus Scriptor's new avatar?? Smiling Cute.

(No subject)

Laughing out loud

Medical Records

Medical Records Blunders

#

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
#

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
#

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Excuse me, what are you doing with that pen light?)
#

She is numb from her toes down.
#

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. (Anatomy review time!)
#

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
#

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (An empowered patient.)
#

The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
#

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
#

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
#

Patient was alert and unresponsive.
#

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
#

We will follow her eyes and nose with a foley catheter.
#

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
#

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
#

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
#

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
#

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
#

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
#

Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
#

The patient refused an autopsy.
#

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
#

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
#

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.
#

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
#

The patient had a rash over his truck.
#

Dictation blunder: lasar radar response (as opposed to vagovagal response).

(No subject)

Love the Jack & Beanstalk

Smiling Love the Jack & Beanstalk cartoon!!!!
Wanda

heartthrob wrote: Pam,

heartthrob wrote:

Pam, how are you getting that to post again? I have a funny one I just got and I can't get it on here.

Brian invited his mother

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the
meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a
relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met
the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the
beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do
you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to
be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

______________________ ______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house.
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were
here for dinner.

Love, Brian

____________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
that read:

____________________________________________________________________________
_________________

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer.

I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer.
But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed,
she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

(No subject)

(No subject)

WALMART HERE THEY COME .What

WALMART HERE THEY COME .What you see below, are not see-thru skirts.
They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the panties are visible, and these are the current rage in Japan . They'll be the rage here in the USA soon and then on to Canada:

I forward this as a public service, so you won't have a heart attack when the rage reaches the USA and Canada.

Don't forget to let us know

Don't forget to let us know when some dim witted cop jumps the gun and arrests someone for indecent exposure.

I want one. Do you think

I want one. Do you think they come in size 3X?

Who said that men can't

Who said that men can't multi-task? (Click on the picture to start the video)

heartthrob wrote: I love

heartthrob wrote:

I love this puppy SO MUCH...I want another!

Daenerys wrote: I love

Daenerys wrote:

I love this puppy SO MUCH...I want another!

Smiling It's cute!! But it looks like the guy that combs his hair to the side. I think Donald Trump?? Laughing out loud

OMG, totally

OMG, totally hilarious.

LMAO!

Three folks died and were

Three folks died and were trying to enter heaven. St Peter does come to greet them. The saint says: the only requirement is that you give me $20.00. Well the first, being American hands over his $20., the second being a Scot says he wants to dicker and make a bargain, then the third, being Canadian says he has to apply for his from the government.

Ha ha ha ha ha Multitasking

Ha ha ha ha ha Multitasking Men hillarious

I have not read the whole

I have not read the whole thread, but I know this face anywhere it is a Sihtz Su puppy. I'm sure it's name is Clementine, lol or maybe if it is a male - Clem

heartthrob wrote: Ha ha ha

heartthrob wrote:

Ha ha ha ha ha Multitasking Men hillarious

Only the French hmmmm?

(No subject)

http://www.jibjab.com/view/20

LITTLE RED FIRE TRUCK A

LITTLE RED FIRE TRUCK

A firefighter is working on his engine outside the station when he notices a little girl going by in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose neatly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.The Firefighter walks over to take a better look.

"That sure is a nice truck." the firefighter says with admiration.

"Thanks", the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices that the girl has tied the rope to the dog's collar, and also to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the firefighter says, "I don't mean to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?

A doctor was having an

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

(No subject)

A pedestrian noticed an old

A pedestrian noticed an old lady sitting on her front step, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said.

"Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food.

On week-ends, I pop pills, get laid, and do no other exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Twenty-four," she replied

FLY IN THE URINAL In

FLY IN THE URINAL

In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in an operating room. But nobody notices. What everybody does notice, is that each urinal has a fly in it.

Look harder, and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain. It improves the aim. If a man sees a fly, he aims at it. Fly-in-urinal research found that etchings reduced spillage by 80%. It gives a guy something to think about. That's the perfect example of process control.

WHO SAYS YOU CAN'T POTTY TRAIN A MAN

McCain "Bomb

Top Ten Hanukkah Movies The

Top Ten Hanukkah Movies

The figures are finally in. The top 10 movie rentals over the Hanukkah holiday were:

10) Three Men And A Bubbie
9) A Few Good Mentches
Cool The Cohenheads
7) The Rocky Hora Picture Show
6) Shalom Alone
5) Goyz `N The Hood
4) A Gefilte Fish Called Wanda
3) The Wizard Of Oys
2) Who Framed Roger Rabbi?
1) Prelude To A Briss

Resimay To hoom it mae

Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can s tart emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN nikname Beefy
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
......


Employer's response:

Dear Beefy - I mean Bryan,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check. See you Monday!

THE NEW ENGLISH !! The

THE NEW ENGLISH !!

The European Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, as opposed to German, which was the other possibility.

During negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EurEnglish (Eurin for short). The details follow:

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c" ' Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "C" will be replased with "k", klearing up konfusion, and typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph " will be replased by "f" This will make words like 'fotograf' 20 per sent shorter.

In year three, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible, Governments will encourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in th languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By th fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th " by "z", and "w" wiz "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords Containing "ou". and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl Zer vil be no mor trubls or diftkultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali k-um tru

Random . . . this one is for

Random . . . this one is for you:

Audit
A man, who was about to be audited, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his mentor, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied his mentor. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with Canada Revenue?"

"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

heartthrob wrote:

heartthrob wrote:

Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can s tart emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN nikname Beefy
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
......


Employer's response:

Dear Beefy - I mean Bryan,
It's OK honey, we've got spell check. See you Monday!

Where are the smileys when I NEED THEM!!!! Sticking out tongue

http://eye-on-the-world.blogs

LOLOL That's HORRIBLE!

LOLOL That's HORRIBLE!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/

some really funny stuff in here too
cheer

Son they wil katch up with

Son they wil katch up with us and the nonsense prodused here.
"Factitious ratings
Submitted by terrymo on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 21:12. Main Forum
I believe many of the ratings here on this site are harmful and could damage a doctors reputation. They are pillars of society for the most part looked up to and revered and most people would say they trust their doctor implicitly. It is a shame this site seeks to destroy that."

JaneQPatient wrote: Son

JaneQPatient wrote:

Son they wil katch up with us and the nonsense prodused here.
"Factitious ratings
Submitted by terrymo on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 21:12. Main Forum
I believe many of the ratings here on this site are harmful and could damage a doctors reputation. They are pillars of society for the most part looked up to and revered and most people would say they trust their doctor implicitly. It is a shame this site seeks to destroy that."

LOL . . . I see you found another one posted on the wrong page! Eye-wink Laughing out loud

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

Son they wil katch up with us and the nonsense prodused here.
"Factitious ratings
Submitted by terrymo on Fri, 05/02/2008 - 21:12. Main Forum
I believe many of the ratings here on this site are harmful and could damage a doctors reputation. They are pillars of society for the most part looked up to and revered and most people would say they trust their doctor implicitly. It is a shame this site seeks to destroy that."

LOL . . . I see you found another one posted on the wrong page! Eye-wink Laughing out loud

Yep!

%)

LMAO too!

(No subject)

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Daenerys wrote:

Maybe you're a prude AE. . .

. . . maybe I am. Shocked But I hear enough "****en" these days to last me a life time. A wise old uncle once told me that you can tell an educated person by the size of their vocabulary . . . a four letter word to describe "everything" is just too limited and basic, in my opinion. Cool

Generally, I agree with your uncle. I became sick to death of people using people using a four letter word to decribe everything a very long time ago. One thing they all had in common is raging hostility as a state of being. Funny thing is I've seen the same behavior exhibited by people in high authority with post graduate degrees too though not nearly as often. They may not have been spun from the same yarn but they've got the same print on their cloth.

My uncle was a good man and well respected. When he heard someone speaking vulgarly, he would quietly put them in place and most often the other person was seeing things in a different perspective. I don't understand today's society where vulgarity is so commonly accepted. What ever happened to "gentlemen and ladies?"

They're still out there.

However...

Given the common acceptance these days of vulgar (and that's what vulgar* means) responding in a lady like or gentalmanly manner may go right over their heads. As much as one would like to avoid it, it is sometimes necessary to respond in a manner in which can be actually be understood by the recipient or recipients of your response (message). Know your audience.

As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

JaneQPatient wrote: ... As

JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

Didn't we get that lesson from Randall once? Or was that........ oh, nevermind.

(No subject)

JaneQPatient wrote: ... As

JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

No . . . are you planning on telling us? Puzzled . . . or are we playing a guessing game? Puzzled Eye-wink Smiling

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

No . . . are you planning on telling us? Puzzled . . . or are we playing a guessing game? Puzzled Eye-wink Smiling

Sorry, you didn't direct your question at me but I found this site. I think everyone speculates, but no one really knows the origin of the word. I hope this is the word you were wondering about. If not, I've just shown the dark places my mind can wonder into. Evil

http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/site/comments/****/

Cristal_Artist

Cristal_Artist wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

No . . . are you planning on telling us? Puzzled . . . or are we playing a guessing game? Puzzled Eye-wink Smiling

Sorry, you didn't direct your question at me but I found this site. I think everyone speculates, but no one really knows the origin of the word. I hope this is the word you were wondering about. If not, I've just shown the dark places my mind can wonder into. Evil

http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/site/comments/****/

I guess we aren't on the same page . . . I thought Jane was referring to the word "vulgar." Eye-wink Smiling Evil

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

Don't you dare send one of my butlers there. Eye-wink

JaneQPatient

JaneQPatient wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

Don't you dare send one of my butlers there. Eye-wink

I had someone else in mind . . . but certainly not your butlers! Evil Sticking out tongue

Jane . . . if you have anal

Jane . . . if you have anal retentive butlers, maybe you should give them this:

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

Jane . . . if you have anal retentive butlers, maybe you should give them this:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

JaneQPatient wrote: Uh,

JaneQPatient wrote:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

Evil Maybe you can just scare it out of her:

Eye-wink Laughing out loud

JaneQPatient wrote: Uh,

JaneQPatient wrote:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

. . . and if that doesn't work, you can always take revenge:

Cat Flap - a Toast For Your Cat

Leave your cat alone to play with itself forever!

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
Cristal_Artist wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

No . . . are you planning on telling us? Puzzled . . . or are we playing a guessing game? Puzzled Eye-wink Smiling

Sorry, you didn't direct your question at me but I found this site. I think everyone speculates, but no one really knows the origin of the word. I hope this is the word you were wondering about. If not, I've just shown the dark places my mind can wonder into. Evil

http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/site/comments/****/

I guess we aren't on the same page . . . I thought Jane was referring to the word "vulgar." Eye-wink Smiling Evil

I'm sorry if I offended you. My mistake! I apologize to you and everyone else who read my post. If I could delete it, I would. It won't happen again, you have my word.

Cristal_Artist

Cristal_Artist wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
Cristal_Artist wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

...
As an aside, does anyone know the true origins of the word? Eye-wink Its an interesting tale. Puzzled Shocked

No . . . are you planning on telling us? Puzzled . . . or are we playing a guessing game? Puzzled Eye-wink Smiling

Sorry, you didn't direct your question at me but I found this site. I think everyone speculates, but no one really knows the origin of the word. I hope this is the word you were wondering about. If not, I've just shown the dark places my mind can wonder into. Evil

http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/site/comments/****/

I guess we aren't on the same page . . . I thought Jane was referring to the word "vulgar." Eye-wink Smiling Evil

I'm sorry if I offended you. My mistake! I apologize to you and everyone else who read my post. If I could delete it, I would. It won't happen again, you have my word.

LOL . . . oh, Cristel . . . you didn't offend me; not in the least! I'm not as sensitive as all that!

Eye-wink Smiling Laughing out loud

Besides, it's quite conceivable that your assumption was right that you chose the word that Jane was referring to! Laughing out loud

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

LOL . . . oh, Cristel . . . you didn't offend me; not in the least! I'm not as sensitive as all that!

Thanks AE;

I guess being brought up in two cultures makes it difficult to understand what can offend people. E.g. In my Mother's culture, calling someone stupid is tantamount to slapping them; my Father doesn't understand why the word is so offensive.

I also haven't memorized those smiley emotions yet. The only ones I know are sad, glad and devil.

OT, I find that some of the threads have posts that print really wide. Last time you were the one who taught me how to quote, so do you have any advice for this?

Hi, Cristal . . . I don't

Hi, Cristal . . . I don't think there's anything you can do about those overly wide threads . . . I think it has to do with some pictures being put on and weren't formatted to fit into a smaller frame. There are "smileys" just over this "reply" box . . . click on that and you'll get a bit better of a choice! You just have to click on them, where you want them inserted.

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

Evil Maybe you can just scare it out of her:

Eye-wink Laughing out loud

Hmmm, a very large dog tried that ghetto behavior on her once. Let's just say, that dog never tried that again and I was LMAO for days.

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

. . . and if that doesn't work, you can always take revenge:

Cat Flap - a Toast For Your Cat

Leave your cat alone to play with itself forever!

Toast? Toast you say.

You do remember the harness incident, no?

Did you say revenge?

She' be putting me in her own unique version of toaterdom over and over again until she was sure I'd become sufficently crispy.

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG

An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents.

They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants.

The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.

The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process.

It was great fun!

They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately, the children were not allowed to take them home.

The cactus plants were removed and small ivy replaced them, and the children were then allowed
to take them home instead.

The teacher said cactus seemed like a good idea at the time!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

JaneQPatient

JaneQPatient wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

Uh, got anything for my cat? There are times where I could do with a little more fastidiousness that the already naturally fastidious one has like when she occasionally leaves some of the clumping litter on her knickers (dirty athss) Shocked before she knocks it off on the carpet, or, for Christ's sake - sits on my laptop? Puzzled Jawdropping!

. . . and if that doesn't work, you can always take revenge:

Cat Flap - a Toast For Your Cat

Leave your cat alone to play with itself forever!

JaneQPatient wrote:

Toast? Toast you say.

You do remember the harness incident, no?

Geeesh, Jane, do you have to make things so difficult Puzzled . . . before you put the toast on her back, you can give her this:

It comes in either pill or caplet form and, best of all, it's fish flavored so she'll think you are giving her a treat! Once you have her sleeping blissfully, you can slap the toast on her before she even knows what hit her! Eye-wink Smiling

Cristal_Artist wrote: I

Cristal_Artist wrote:

I guess being brought up in two cultures makes it difficult to understand what can offend people. E.g. In my Mother's culture, calling someone stupid is tantamount to slapping them; my Father doesn't understand why the word is so offensive.

My husband is like your mother in that way. There are many words in our vocabulary that are not in his. Calling someone stupid, or saying "shut up".. Never say shut up in front of him; even if you're not saying it to him. Just like slapping.
He also never replies in conversation "Oh I can't stand that, I think that is so stupid." You know if someone is commenting on an actress, or a movie, book or song? To say I hate that, diminishes that person idea of self. In other words, by saying I can't stand that book, song, movie, you are belittling their taste and values. Conversation is an art to him, with definite rules.

pam

Ah, something that will

Ah, something that will work.

At least until she wakes up. LOL!

JaneQPatient wrote: Ah,

JaneQPatient wrote:

Ah, something that will work.

At least until she wakes up. LOL!

You're exasperating Shocked . . . (or your cat is!) Eye-wink Smiling . . . . My final thoughts on this matter . . . you have two options:

You can "pull the trigger." . . . ewwwwww . . . messy . . . yuck! Jawdropping! Barf!

OR

You can take Twain's wonder drug whereby . . .

"It may not cure all your problems, but at least you won't care." Evil Eye-wink Sticking out tongue

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:

CLASS PROJECT GONE WRONG

An elementary school class started a class project to make planters to take home to their parents.

They wanted to have a plant in it that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants.

The students were given green-ware pottery planters in the shape of clowns which they painted with glaze.

The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process.

It was great fun!

They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew nicely, but unfortunately, the children were not allowed to take them home.

The cactus plants were removed and small ivy replaced them, and the children were then allowed
to take them home instead.

The teacher said cactus seemed like a good idea at the time!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

It was determined that it was the cactai that were the problem and NOT the design of the clown pots?

Rolling my eyes and shacking my head.

I have imaginings in my head of what Kim Catrell's (sp) sex in the city character would have to say about the ivy...

It was determined that it

It was determined that it was the cactai that were the problem and NOT the design of the clown pots?

Rolling my eyes and shacking my head.

I have imaginings in my head of what Kim Catrell's (sp) sex in the city character would have to say about the ivy...

LOL...
I really have to go see the movie!

abusedemotionally

abusedemotionally wrote:
JaneQPatient wrote:

Ah, something that will work.

At least until she wakes up. LOL!

You're exasperating Shocked . . . (or your cat is!) Eye-wink Smiling . . . . My final thoughts on this matter . . . you have two options:

You can "pull the trigger." . . . ewwwwww . . . messy . . . yuck! Jawdropping! Barf!

OR

You can take Twain's wonder drug whereby . . .

"It may not cure all your problems, but at least you won't care." Evil Eye-wink Sticking out tongue

Its an either or question? Uh, I don't think so. Eye-wink Smiling

Yes, I can pull the trigger - once I get one that takes a different type of ammo.

Twain, how about writing me a PRN scrip' for FUKITOL. Hmmm?


Now which caliber should it be?

A little girl asked her

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and
then
all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by
God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about
his.

heartthrob wrote: A little

heartthrob wrote:

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and
then
all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,

'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by
God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple.
I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about
his.

LOL, I'll be passing this one on...lol!

Mommas little

heartthrob wrote: Mommas

heartthrob wrote:

Mommas little helper

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nheIiTVXfzc

Some more of the same (Adult entertainment - Beware!)

bones wrote:

Jane Where have you seen data on a PERMANENT discontinuation syndrome. I have found NO such evidence and would like to see where you are getting this info.
Discontinuation syndromes have been reported with "abrupt withdrawal" but ARE reversible by allowing a slower reduction in dose.
http://www.aafp.org/afp/20060801/449.html
I likewise have NOT seen this reported in either the HPB or FDA sites

bones wrote:

http://www.fda.gov/medwatch/safety/2007/Feb_PI/Effexor_PI.pdf
No reports here of PERMANENT withdrawal symptoms

bones wrote:

No Just asking you to PROVE your statement of permanent withdrawal symptoms requiring LIFE LONG treatment what do you base that on?

bones wrote:

If it aint from the FDA or NIH then frankly it isnt worth squat hence nor is your statement

Another clean up

bones wrote:

Doesnt suprise me Jane youd have trouble with "Acts of service for another" It isnt your style :)I can see now you have never been is a position of vulnerability.Problem is it can leave you feeling quite lonely. I dont mean that as a criticism...I honestly can feel sorry for you and am sorry for picking on you..seriously take care Smiling

From: What have YOU gained

From: What have YOU gained from this forum ? http://www.ratemds.com/social/?q=node/31125

RAVEN1 wrote:

What have I gained? Nothing!
What have I learned from reading and seldom posting? This is the impression some of you leave on your threads.
. . .
Admiration for those who insult women by using despicable names to describe them.

Daenerys wrote:

Admiration for those who insult women by using despicable names to describe them. I just don't have any recollection...

. . . nope, it wasn't you, Daenerys . . . read the following thread and you'll see that Raven is referring to his new best friend. Eye-wink

http://www.ratemds.com/social/?q=node/30839

Just like you Jane, I had to do some tiding up. Eye-wink Smiling

abusedemotionally wrote:

abusedemotionally wrote:

...
The Clique Cat Club (does that sound like a chocolate bar?)

It does sound like a kit kat bar! ha
I'm trying to tire myself out. I did end up bringing my laptop. I had work to do. lol
This hotel is way better for wireless connection than the other one. Smiling

Cliques scare me. I just need to have a good cleaving with this site.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

...
The Clique Cat Club (does that sound like a chocolate bar?)

Cliques scare me. I just need to have a good cleaving with this site.

. . . silly girl . . . look at the title of the page . . . Humor . . . that says it all! Eye-wink Smiling

A man is in bed with his

A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his
penis,
something she had lovingly done on many
occasions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, 'Why do you love doing that?'

She replies: 'Because I really miss mine'.

Daenerys

Daenerys wrote:
abusedemotionally wrote:

...
The Clique Cat Club (does that sound like a chocolate bar?)

It does sound like a kit kat bar! ha
I'm trying to tire myself out. I did end up bringing my laptop. I had work to do. lol
This hotel is way better for wireless connection than the other one. Smiling

Vohrsicht!

Ich kenne Kreutzberg. Also bin Ich sicher das Leute wie ins Kit-Kat Klub gehen sind Wir nicht. Uberhaupt nicht!

http://www.10best.com/Berlin/Nightlife/Dance_Clubs/Kit_Kat_Klub_Berlin_BID_24275/

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