Laughter is healthy

If this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgmQM9cDPHk

LOL . . . And I thought it

LOL . . . And I thought it was bad when, as a I child, the priest would come to our school, set himself up in the principal's office, and we had to go kneel beside him and tell our sins. Evil There may not have been a screen between me and the priest, but at least it wasn't broadcast! Shocked Smiling

Hi Pam, This is Really

Hi Pam,
This is Really funny--I especially liked the two ladies who were listening in on his confession.
Impatient

O crap. I think I'm getting

O crap. I think I'm getting a job offer. I have to call this lady back. I only applied for interview practice. If I turn this down, it will effect all the packages my company has offered. I was still counting on going to Lockeed Martin.

Anyone have any job jokes? Laughing out loud

Power outage during a

Power outage during a mammogram

I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. "Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice....it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we heard and then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "What?" I yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy, the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps.

That was very funny

That was very funny Heartthrob. Sticking out tongue

Hi all, from Alberta, where

Hi all, from Alberta, where it is freezing and the fireplace is roaring, lol. Definitely laughter is the best medicine. Especialy a good gut laugh with one of your buddies or hubby or someone and both of you cannot stop laughing, for a long time, til you cry, right? It is the best, very best, medicine..

Naly, this is no joke, come

Naly, this is no joke, come to Alberta and you can get any job you want. If you do not like that one, go accross the street and get another (lol). Have a great day, Naly!

I remember those kinds of

I remember those kinds of days here too. I think they will come back. Everything goes in circles. What are the men like there? Just kidding. Eye-wink

Naly: There are 50 men for

Naly: There are 50 men for every woman in Alaska. In Alberta, I am not sure what the stats are, but I am pretty sure there are lots of elligibles, lots of oil workers, rough around the edges if you like that kind. There are also lots of refined professional gentlemen.

LOL. Professional, but

LOL. Professional, but rugged. Good sense of humor. Dark hair and blue eyes. Tall. Sensitive but not whimpy. Sports oriented but not a potato. Must be a skier. I'm not very picky. Eye-wink

O my Naly, he sounds like a

O my Naly, he sounds like a dream. I would have known him if I had seen him, lol. Good luck!!!

Naly,when you meet him,make

Naly,when you meet him,make double sure,to do a complete background check on him twice. Shocked

Doodle, I'm teasing. There

Doodle, I'm teasing. There is no such thing as a perfect person.

spuddywuddy wrote:O my Naly,

spuddywuddy wrote:

O my Naly, he sounds like a dream. I would have known him if I had seen him, lol. Good luck!!!

Do you want to be my maid of honor???? Smiling

's @ Naly,I know,nice

Smiling 's @ Naly,I know,nice thoughts though. Take care, Have a great weekend.

5 Surgeons Five surgeons

5 Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.
.
.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
.
.
The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians!
.
Everything inside them is color code.'
.
.

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best,

everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
.
.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.
.
.

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, D.C. shut them all up when he observed:

'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

heartthrob wrote: Five

heartthrob wrote:

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

[......]

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

Now, that's where I went wrong. I should have opted for a New York surgeon! Laughing out loud

I wonder why mine didn't know of this. Sad

heartthrob wrote: 5

heartthrob wrote:

5 Surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.
.
.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
.
.
The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians!
.
Everything inside them is color code.'
.
.

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best,

everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
.
.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers... Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.
.
.

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, D.C. shut them all up when he observed:

'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

Try replacing 'Politicians' with 'Harleymans'. Makes perfect sense to me.

A housekeeper steps into the

A housekeeper steps into the elevator of a very prestigious, private hospital. On the first floor a lovely, young woman enters the elevator. The housekeeper sniffs. The young woman says, "Channel # 5, $1,850 for 15 oz.. A few floors up another woman enters the elevator. The housekeeper sniffs. The woman says, 24 Faubourg, $1,500 an oz.

The elevator stops and all three women step out. The housekeeper bends down and lets one rip. She looks at the two women and smiles. Broccoli, $!.49 a pound. Evil

Levi, They must have

Laughing out loud Levi, They must have shopped at Neiman Marcus. Laughing out loud

Why Parents Drink The

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent one day but had not phoned in sick . Needing to have an urgent problem with one of the main computers resolved, he dialled the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. ' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?' he asked.

' Yes ,' whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, 'Is your Mummy there?' ' Yes '

'May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No '

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman , ' came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered,

' The search team just landed a helicopter '

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

' ME . '

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To God:

YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT

YOU PUT THE DEVIL OUT, BUT DID YOU LET HIM
LEAVE HIS BAGS?
This is powerful!

You got out of a bad relationship because it was bad,
but you are still resentful and angry
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of financial debt, but you still can't
control the desire to spend on frivolous things
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of a bad habit or addiction, but you still long to
try it just one more time
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You said, I forgive you, but you can't seem to forget and have
peace with that person
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You told your unequally yoked mate that it was over,
but you still continue to call
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You got out of that horribly oppressive job, but you are still
trying to sabotage the company after you've left
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You cut off the affair with that married man/woman, but you
still lust after him/her
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You broke off your relationship with that hurtful, abusive person, but you are
suspicious and distrusting of every new person you meet
(you let the devil leave his bags)

You decided to let go of the past hurts from growing up in an
unstable environment, yet you believe you are unworthy of love from
others and you refuse to get attached to anyone
(you let the devil leave his bags)

When you put the devil out, please make sure he takes his bags!

HAPPINESS KEEPS YOU SWEET
TRIALS KEEP YOU STRONG
AND SORROWS KEEP YOU HUMAN
FAILURES KEEP YOU HUMBLE
SUCCESS KEEPS YOU GLOWING
BUT ONLY GOD
KEEPS YOU GOING!

In 2009, Let the Devil Take His Bags With Him!
Be Blessed, Healthy and Happy

Why I was fired.... For the

Why I was fired....

For the last company picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

(No subject)

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